doesn't everyone already know? do i really need to explain anything? i know that i have gotten help, or that i have help from other people.
sorry if i am getting on your nerves, but the few people who are knowingly and blatantly acting up, obnoxious, childish, are getting on my nerves. some black people try to create a double standard, so that they can imply that they have leverage over other types of people, because they want to be thought of as dominant. i think that many black people, if not all of them, have a type of hidden agenda amongst themselves; that being, that they want to make others feel inferior, or dominated, because of some confusion they have about themselves, thinking that they are inferior, or that people think that they are inferior. something in america, left over from slavery. they should let it go... this is honest, objective analysis, not me communicating white supremacist crap. i am really tired of the ugly, childish aggression which i get every day, all day long. they want to use me as a way of trying to intimidate other people, but i don't think that it will work. it is like they have an attitude like, "oh yeah, well if you think that i'm inferior, i'm gonna hurt you", while intentionally wanting people to think that their behavior indicates that they are inferior.
i communicated down below that people can just move to canada. if you understood how much i am being made sick, every day, being stalked in a very weird, disturbing way, and stupidly harassed, you would understand. i can't think clearly, i am not being allowed to rest, and am being intentionally made nervous, with these people doing it making a sick sick joke of it. i am confused all of the time, and being made sick. i know that the problem is not with all black people, or all mexicans. i wrote below, "buy a gun". if everyone had weapons, used responsibly, it can be deduced that it would be a safer place. weapons to use in defense only. i am trying to protect people. just knowing that people might have a weapon is a deterrent for unwanted aggression, or harm.
applaud to the cast of 'jesus christ, superstar'. i just saw it with my mom at theater under the stars, in downtown houston. i wish that i could buy the cast and crew a piece of cake, and cup of coffee. my faith is being tested, as i think that yours is, too. stay strong. good show.
i am being made sick every day. doesn't it seem like it is weird for a person to keep communicating about the same thing? i mean me. it is because they are confusing me, making me mentally sick, not wanting me to be more popular than they are, publicly. it is like poisoning someone, so that they are sick and can't work efficiently. they thought that my internet work was a problem for them, so now they are intentionally provoking me and obstructing, intentionally causing me to defend myself, acting weird, so that they think that it is a problem for me, and my reputation.
i don't hate all black people, even though these few black people who are intentionally causing problems want black people to think. they try to make black people think that i don't like them, in order to try to make black people not like me. the same is true of this mexican girl, trying to make all mexicans think that i hate them. i don't. they try to make blacks and mexicans think that i hate them, by being blatantly weird and mean to me. they try to make me be hated by blacks and mexicans, since they want blacks and mexicans thinking that i hate them. it is a stupid childish game they are playing.
the problem which i think that people know about is not with everyone. it is with a few people who i am in activity with, who have weird mental problems. they like causing me to have nervous breakdowns in public, because they find it amusing, knowing that i can't defend myself, other than with the internet. the tone of this is like being raped, and robbed by weird, violent criminals with a gun.
this is like being stuck in a psychiatric ward, or a jail cell, with a weird black man and a weird mexican girl, who are are evil, mean, angry and dangerous. it is weird, childish racism. childish sadism. they are weird, childish racists, wanting people to think that america it is their turf, and that thugs should dominate. they act like little obnoxious children, who are angry, wanting to harm people, because they think that people think that they are inferior. it is their thought. i am not saying it. they are saying it. it is like they are both admitting to thinking that they are inferior, and angry about it. it is really weird, and sad, how they want to blatantly destroy people's lives, all day long, every day, like they want people to think that they think of it as a weird, childish game. they want to destroy a white person's life, publicly, because they think that this particular white person (me) can do more than they can do, and it makes them angry. it is racially motivated. they have weird, angry mental problems.
paris hilton wants people to think that i am begging her for special attention. no. i just want her to take care of ordinary business, as ordinary business would, or should, ordinarily be taken care of. i didn't want special treatment. i just wanted fair treatment. she is wanting my special attention, and i think that husband does too, and she makes me, and other people, uncomfortable, and want to puke.
in case you haven't figured it out, some cruel, weird, childish people, are blatantly disrespectful to me, publicly, in order to make a mockery of christ. guess what? go save yourselves, since i am being made sick. i am not a robot. i am a human being who can only do so much. it is like i am being raped every day by weird freaks. i wouldn't care about stupid gossip, but when they obstruct, it changes everything.
paris hilton wants people to think that she had a thing with the messiah, or that i liked her (when i really didn't) in order to try to make it seem like she is more interesting, than the boring, rich kid hilton, who she thinks people think of her as. she has always been involved in a cheesy evil publicity scheme. i can't wait to die, so that i don't have to think about paris hilton, or nicky hilton, ever again. i wasn't a fan of hers. she wanted to use me for publicity. she likes this shit, but she will play dumb. her publicity is a evil scheme.
this mexican girl is like a girl who has been busted by the cops, who is in an interrogation room, in a weird, incredibly stupid denial, about the fact that she is busted, and going no where, wanting to rudely waste everyone's time, trying to confuse the cops, when they know without a doubt that she is guilty. she is an stupid evil mexican coward. this black guy is the same type of person. it is like he wants to be known as a gangster, who intentionally wants people to think that he fakes being cool. really weird, really childish, and really stupid personality. they are both trying to confuse ignorant people, trying to make people think that we don't understand that there are actually 2 people. they were trying to use it against people, now they think that they can't, or that they make blacks and mexicans look stupid, together, so now they are trying to make it seem like they are the same person, turning on each other, like piranha, who attack and eat each other. like people in the drug scene, who turn on each other, once they have been busted.
this black guy and mexican girl are some kind of weird creature (alien), which is perverted, childish, sadistic, angry, and negative, which likes to prey on happy, peaceful people, it seems like because of envy, wanting to make peaceful, happy people negative, causing insanity. it is like an animal. it is scary, and i wish that the u.s. government would make a statement about this, attempting to protect the world. this affects the entire world. it is like a country, with an evil, insane dictator, invading another country, not caring about how many innocent people are harmed. it thinks that it is different, so it doesn't try to be the same, wanting to attempt to dominate. it is trying to survive, as something different. i think that a unified public government statement would deter this creature from attempting to dominate. it would confuse the creature. this creature assumes that i will not have any official defense.
this mexican girl tries to make ignorant people, who don't know me personally, think that people are making up stories about how she is causing us to struggle, because she tries to make ignorant people think that everyone but her is evil, including me. she is weird. like she wants people to know what she is doing, making a sick joke of it, wanting to attract a mean, unfriendly mexican guy, who thinks that shady people, like her, are cool. she preys on people. weird mental problem. doesn't want to do honest work. wants to be thought of as like a drug dealer, who will fight, harming innocent people, in order to avoid doing honest work, trying to attract mexican guys who think the same way.
these few blacks and this mexican are like thugs, who can't keep up with a civil, friendly white person. they are like people in jail, who are implying that it is their turf. guess what, white people? just move out of america, or to canada. let them have it. they can have it. they are trying to intimidate people. these few black people are especially problematic, with real ugly, sleazy, thug attitudes. just move somewhere else, so that they don't get some weird domination thrill. it is sad, because i really wanted to have black friends. but the black people who attack me make me hate the thought of blacks. they do this intentionally, in order to try to make me unpopular, because they thought that people, including blacks, thought that i was more popular than they are.
a few blacks and a mexican who desperately want to make a white person unpopular, because they are unpopular, even amongst blacks and mexicans. it is constant weird harassment. we can't work. it has been this way since the beginning of 2013, when this mexican girl told everyone that she wasn't committed, and didn't give a fuck about anyone. stereotypical evil obnoxious female mexican gold digger, who thinks too much about her stupid looks, who didn't care about real work, or caring about a white guy in front of mexicans. it is so weird how this mexican tries so hard to get out of doing honest work, like a drug dealer. weird coward, who wants people to think that she is macho. it is so stupid. like she wants to be thought of as a mexican drug dealer, who will do anything to get out of doing honest work, making a sick joke of it. ella es basura mexicana. mean blacks and a mean mexican, but that doesn't mean that i think that all blacks and mexicans are mean. this is what happens when the police don't, or can't protect a special public person. weird childish people stalk you, or stalk everyone, wanting to know that they are stalking you. they are weird and dangerous. they think of it as a childish game, since they think that they can't be stopped. they want to play with me and everyone else. it is very cruel and destructive. they are stupid, like pigs who don't care about living in a pig pen, or creating an environment, like a pig pen. if i wasn't communicating about it, other people still would be. i don't want to create a pig pen.
this situation was a convenient way for hilton to harm me. she wants people to think that she has an "excuse" to be cruel and disrespectful to me, or to ignore me, not conducting important business, so that others will be cruel and disrespectful to me, intentionally making me angry in public, so that she can imply that i was no good, or that she was better than i was, her whatever publicity whatever. she probably complains to her husband about me not stopping communicating about it, but she obviously didn't want to make it stop. what she really thinks that is that people think that people with less money are better than she is, or have more character, and it pisses her off. i don't want together be with paris hilton. i want her to take care of business, and then get the fuck away from me, my family, my girlfriend, and my dogs. she wanted to use me for publicity. you know what? i am a really sweet, cheerful white boy. it makes other people, who are not cheerful, hate me, and want to harm me, publicly, wanting to confuse me, and turn me into an angry person, like they are making a sick joke of it, or like they want to make a mockery of someone who is cheerful by nature. this is a really sad situation. it will be a weird story about how weird, deranged monsters attacked people, wanting to know that they thought that it was fun. like terrorism. this is what happens when the police can't, or don't protect a special, public person from the public. really not difficult to understand. it is a security problem for the world, and people seem to be sweeping it under the rug.
the TMZ broadcast was sometime, 1 week before halloween, 2008, in case anyone wants to try to get to the bottom of it. isn't it a privacy law violation? paris hilton making a statement about me, joshua mishler, without my official knowledge, making me a target for the public.
what are people worried about? i mean, it seems like you are scared of something. are people worried that the roman soldiers are going to come to their home, and take them away? is Pontius Pilate looking for me, or for you? really? are we worried that the cops are going to arrest us? no. are the cops afraid? why? i thought that the cops were cool, and that they were supposed to be our friends, and have authority. i didn't think that they were supposed to look powerless, along with the united states government. is president biden worried about Pontius Pilate? i wouldn't complain like this, but there is a very very serious, weird social problem all over the world because no one makes an official statement, protecting me, or ensuring my rights.
it really does seem like hilton has a mental problem. the problem which she created for america and the world is very serious, and what is more serious, is that she acts like she doesn't care about trying to fix it, or like she thinks that it was fun, or interesting, and part of her dumb blonde image. it seems like she angrily wanted, back in 2008, or wants, to force people to think about her, and to communicate about her. like she really doesn't think much about herself. she isn't socially cool. she is a childish, weird, irresponsible, socially lame nuisance. people would read this, and think that i am the one who is angry. no. i have so many reasons to be happy, and paris hilton's weird weird, cruel, very confusing, public disrespect toward me, and the community, is not one of them. i think that her mommy likes it, on some creepy, weird hilton hotel power trip. is she cruel, too? is that where paris gets it from? or dumb? what hilton does, or continues to do, is like the weird drama which lindsay lohan created, right before she went off of the radar. it is supposed to be thought of a childish and weird, and they do it, trying to get more hype in the media.
the people, or creatures, who are intentionally attacking the world, have made us mentally sick for years, and keep reinfecting our minds, every day, all day long. they are weird, sick, sadistic creatures. they don't seem human. it is a threat to the entire world, because i am in activity with people all over the world. it is not just the united states, but the entire world. we need strong leadership in government. that is what they did in rome, with the bible. information control. the gossip about this situation, as it is, and as it has been for years, is unhealthy, and dangerous, for the world to continue to spread, century after century, without a controlled, unified message. these creatures who are attacking us are childish, and insane. very very dangerous. it will be a negative story. that is what they want. i am a positive person, but i am being made mentally sick every day. like being poisoned or drowned by sadistic thugs, who are implying that low class thugs are going to dominate. much worse than you could imagine. i want to help stop the spread of the negative, but i don't want to contribute toward the negative. i could use some actual help, from actual communication, with actual people.
what is the big deal, in making an international story about me, in order to protect the world community? doesn't everyone know about jesus? doesn't everyone know about the bible? then what is the big deal about knowing about me? it seems like people are making a weird, big deal of this, when it really isn't a big deal. you make me feel terrible. sick. that doesn't help the world, since people who don't understand english, in different parts of the world, are going to be communicating about this. make a story, in order to control the story, or to control what type of story it is. do you understand? don't let it get out of hand.
i don't want to mess up my opportunity to be happy, selling art, not wanting to complicate that, by communicating unnecessarily. i also want to fight against mean, dishonest people. i sort of feel like i would be a phony, if all of a sudden, i thought that i couldn't express myself, just because i wanted to make money.
obviously i am in pain. i wish that the u.s. government would protect me, and the entire world. i believe that it could be coordinated, if people cared enough, and tried. circumstantial evidence would be good enough. this constant 24/7 activity group can prove on tv that they activity is real with a test.
these people can keep acting stupid if they want to. they are the losers. they are like thugs who are so stupid, that not even thugs would follow them. paris hilton is a thug, too.
this black guy and mexican girl have a very serious, very sick attitude problem. their souls are disgusting, like they are part animal, or actually, it seems as if they don't have a soul. they are attacking the entire planet, because of how they know that i am in activity with people, all over the world, trying to create negative gossip about me, and i don't want to harm anyone. they think that they only way that they can survive is to create a negative story, so that they think that someone will kill me, now, or the next time i am here. they are trying to take people's freedom away from them, including mine. the government should make a statement. the gossip will continue for thousands of years. fix it, now. they want people to think that i don't know what i am communicating about, when i state that it is a black guy and a mexican girl. i do know.
paris hilton created problems, which caused black women to create problems, which caused this black guy create problems, which caused this mexican girl to create problems, and hilton knows about this, and doesn't act like she cares about fixing it for the community. she is a puke rich, childish, irresponsible, thug like, con artist person. i think that she wanted to copy donald trump when she was young, in new york. cheese.
a few blacks, and a mexican, who want to bully a white person in public, treating me in an inhumane way, because they have a weird, childish, inferiority complex. i am not stuck up. they are confused because THEY think that they are less, and also because they think THAT OTHERS think that they are less. they act like little obnoxious children. i am a nice white person, too. ask people who know me, personally. they want people to know what they are doing, like they are complaining about their own thought, of their own inferiority. like i stated, they are panicking, and trying to get people to not like me.
people who thought that they had, or have, less, wanted to start some stupid shit. they have an inferiority complex. i am not stuck up. this doesn't mean that i am stuck up. it was a social problem for them, and consequently, they created a social problem for everyone else. buy a gun, and be responsible with it. i think that, usually, or all of the time, that the problem with gangs, is that one group starts some stupid shit with another group, for no good reason.
one way you could think about this, is that it is a few blacks and a mexican, weird, insecure, childish, flipping fucking out, publicly, because they think that people think that blacks and mexicans are inferior, publicly. they are panicking, thinking about trying to get something for themselves, which they thought that they couldn't get. i am not stating that blacks and mexicans are inferior. i don't want to create a problem for blacks and mexicans. it is a few blacks and a mexican, who want blacks and mexicans to hate me, and i didn't do anything to them. i have tried to help them. it is also like they are intentionally implying that blacks and mexicans should be thought of as inferior, or not God like, but also dominant. get away from me. get away from my family and my dogs. get out of my house. tell people to buy a gun, but be responsible with it.
this black guy and mexican girl want people to think that, because they are weird alien shit, that they can harm people, and be ugly, and be evil, and get people to give them what they want, and get away with it. no. it won't work. guess what? i am weird alien shit, too. i like to be funny, and helpful, and i like to work, myself, for what i have.
me being here won't change society. it already was what it was, or it already is what it is. evil people should leave good people alone. evil people are attacking good people, because they are insecure, or because they have an inferiority complex. why wouldn't christ have changed all of society, last time? or the time before that, or the time before that? it is not a fairy tale. why is there evil in the world, since christ was perfect, and was supposed to make everything perfect. some people you can't change. or some people don't care. if you want to get the police or government involved, in order to make a public statement, stating that they know what is going on, also informing me that they have done this, then fine. i think that would help. don't expect me to really help society, when you leave me vulnerable and defenseless, to weird, evil, childish predators. these people who are stupidly attacking us, everyone, think that they can get away with it, because they is no major, unified, authoritative, public consensus, about how they are a problem, and also about how i am not in any trouble, or that i have rights.
i deleted this, but am posting it again. this one particular black guy and one particular mexican girl want to humiliate me, an innocent white person, because they think that people think that the situation implies that maybe there is truth to the concept of white supremacy, because of how they are known to be evil, or something not God like. their behavior is understandable, because they think that they make all blacks and mexicans seem inferior. i don't want to create a problem for blacks and mexicans. they do. i am not stating that all blacks and mexicans are inferior. they are trying to make blacks and mexicans hate me, because they think that it enables them to more easily get along with blacks and mexicans, since they are not liked by blacks and mexicans.
they are desperately trying to trip me up, so that i don't look good selling art, but i don't think that people who really understand what is going on, think that i am a problem.
george h. w. bush didn't do anything wrong, or evil. i didn't do anything wrong, or evil, considering how i was confused. this black guy and mexican INTEND to do something wrong, or evil. that is what the problem is.
am i just supposed to take this stupid shit from other people, without fighting back? i mean, because this is a constant public situation. do you understand the problem? what they are doing is argumentative, and obstructive. obstructive! for everyone! because it is a public situation! if we don't fight, then evil people win, or seem dominant. they try to get evil people to group together, sort of like weird republicans. stupid shit, like paris hilton, too.
it is like i am on tv, and some weird, childish, stupid, blatantly obnoxious, blatantly evil person is hitting me, or urinating on me, also on tv, wanting to humiliate me in a weird way, which doesn't make any sense. would a person who is on tv fight back, publicly? or would they just do nothing and take it, looking weak and stupid? guess what? because it is a public situation, it makes you fight. the people who are the stupid aggressors know that i will fight back, because i have to in order to remain calm, or less confused, because they know that i am right, and that they are wrong. then they want people to think that i have an attitude problem, when i don't. they just try to make a person who they think looks better than them, look stupid, because they think that people think that they are stupid. i'll try to keep cool on the internet.
it would seem like i am childish. i'm not. i am an adult who wants to be left alone, in peace and quiet. people try to make me seem like i am childish, because they don't want to work like adults.
this mexican girl thinks that the black guy makes her looks stupid, so she lies about george h. w. bush and northern trust bank, trying to make it look like i did something wrong, or that i deserve to be attacked. he has an attitude like (thug, cheesy, insecure, dumb, sleazy, scary) "yeah, i do be stupid, but act like you like me, mo dan him." he lies about george h. w. bush and northern trust bank, too. they send each other signals to both lie about it, and attack me, because they think that people think that they are the problem, and are insecure about it.
they won't allow us to rest. they fuck our brain up really bad every morning, before we get out of bed, so that the entire day is confused, continuing to attack us steady, throughout the entire day.
this is like a nerd white boy teacher, in a classroom with obnoxious kids, trying to get it under control. guess what? i can't send them out of the room to see the principal, or give them detention.
these lame, weird, childish liars keep trying to make ignorant people think that george h. w. bush is important. he isn't. it was just a misunderstanding. they know this, but keep trying to involve me, or themselves, with a former president. we are all so sick of their stupid evil shit. i am not evil. i wanted to help people. i was just confused about what was going on. they know that i am not evil. they are actually wanting to make a mockery of a sweet, honest guy.
i wouldn't care if paris hilton and her mother did something on tv, reality show whatever, if paris had been respectful toward me. she wasn't. she wasn't respectful toward anyone, like she is making a sick joke about being a rich, childish, disrespectful dumb blonde. this is a difficult situation to be stuck in, and paris knew this, and i simply wanted to conduct business, like business is ordinarily conducted, not wanting to play the hilton sister, weird, puke childish game.
i accidentally deleted the 'visual' section in this website about 1 week ago. i am reconstructing what was in it.
i wish that people would tell me that i don't need to fight anymore, and that they understand what is going on. i am sick of this shit. i may delete some more when i get back from work this week. i am not the one who keeps going on and on. this is what happens when the police can't protect someone who is being stalked, harassed.
the hiltons are childish, disrespectful, puke rich fools. at least i have a soul. paris hilton is trying to trick ignorant people, who don't know me personally, including her parents, into thinking that i am the problem, or that people who know me well think that i am the problem, when they don't. no. she is the one who is weird, and childish, and socially lame. paris hilton. a socialite? what does that mean? that she is around lame, childish, rich people all of the time. she is socially lame, and weird, childish, and tries bully her parents, and her weak sister, into thinking that i am the one who is socially lame, or that people think that i am the one who is socially lame, when they don't. she tries to trick them, by treating me in a weird, abusive manner, publicly, in order to inevitably cause me to act unusually, in an unusual situation. actually, i think that they know what she is doing, and are in on it, like a scheme, pretending as if they think that they have more value, or are worth more, than God. paris is a type of demon, and they know this, but are in a really weird, lame hilton, puke rich denial about it.
my Etsy shop, 'WorkingFromWithin', may not be findable, maybe because we didn't finalize it, with bank account information. i can see something on my computer, which looks like there is something there.
all i know is that it is mixing together, and that i don't want to cause problems for people. don't cause unnecessary problems for me, or others.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jj5nH0O8lmg
hilton is an ugly, childish bully. she scares me. her family scares me, too. a few other girls were bullies, too. we need strong, mature female leadership. maturity. not cheesy childish girl games. i don't want to keep going on about it, but i also don't want to allow them to get away with it, since they don't stop. they imply that they are going to get away with it, but they won't.
hilton is not a lady, with real class (public pornography, drug usage, disobeying the law, situation involving me), but hilton hotels are now stupidly try to portray her as being a lady, having real class, making her their advertising icon. she could have chosen to not do that, but she didn't, which means that she really doesn't care. the hilton family and the hilton hotel executives are childish, weird and fake. it is such a disrespectful attitude for the hotel executives to have toward former, and potential customers, because it is like the hotel is stating "we have made so much money from you, and we really don't give a fuck about your feelings, or our reputation."
paris hilton and her mom would want to fool ignorant people about my character, wanting them to think that i am the problem, or that i am some weird person. no. i just wanted, or want to conduct normal business as normal business is normally conducted, without childish, unnecessary, stupid girl games. paris hilton is weird, and rude, and irresponsible, and childish, and cruel. they flaunt being rich and childish. guess what? at least i have a soul. they want to be dumb blondes, together. go ahead. you are not cool, just because you are puke rich. you know this already, and you also know that the media is superficial, and can be sort of cheesy. she thought that people would find it interesting, and tune in for more, desperate for publicity, and didn't care about her reputation. she never really had to care about her reputation, because of her wealth.
the few girls who care causing problems won't move on. it is like being childishly stalked by an ex wife or ex girlfriend, or some girl who i rejected, who can't handle rejection, publicly.
my girlfriend and i are going to set up an Etsy store (Etsy.com) under her name, Michele Ann Newton, with her bank account. we will still have to pay taxes as anyone else would. an Etsy store (Etsy.com) named 'WorkingFromWithin' is currently set up under my name, Joshua Evan Mishler. it is not possible to purchase anything yet. i apologize if people have become frustrated with the amount of time which it is taking to set up the shop, or the ability to purchase. my girlfriend has to do the initial work for security reasons, and she only has so much free time. we will keep the store name the same, 'WorkingFromWithin'. it will be set up under her name, Michele Ann Newton, as the shop owner. i am the worker. I will inform the public when it is possible to purchase.
i am concerned that some problematic black girls may attempt to sabotage my Etsy work, if they think that they can, like if they know a black girl who works at Etsy, who wants to play childish games, breaking the law.
it is not that i can't lead. some people don't want to follow, because it means that they would have to do more work, or make more effort, than they want to. it is creating a mess. for some reason, they want to unnecessarily involve me in their lives. they obstruct, every day, like they want people to think of it as a sleazy childish thug loser game, in order to try to make it look like i can't lead. it is not that i am so nervous, as it would seem. some people like to make me nervous in public, because they get a weird thrill, or are amused by it. it is sadism, and it illustrates something very bad about human nature. they also want you to think that i am faking being sick when i am not. i wish that the police or government would make a statement about what they know is going on, because this should never happen again.
it makes me think of an irresponsible, childish, lazy, sleazy girl, who would leave her child in a garbage dumpster, rather than take it to a child adoption facility. they couldn't handle the responsibility. they didn't want responsibility.
these girls who have, and are still causing problems, are childish and dangerous (paris hilton, some black women, this mexican girl). they intentionally didn't want to demonstrate love, or respect, toward me, publicly, because they thought that it would give men too much power, or that it would take power away from another man, or that it would mean that they would have to submit to difficult work, like i am forced to do. they didn't want to be humble, like they are acting like they are not willing to submit to work, or be cooperative, or contribute towards spiritual, social progress. they would have to be willing to contribute towards my spiritual, social progress, publicly, and i think that is where a problem exists. i don't mean stupidly kissing my ass. i mean a very basic, very simple amount of respect. i don't have the attitude problem. they do. i don't mean that all girls have an attitude problem.
i understand if people would think "josh, you shouldn't attack paris hilton's mother." guess what? she is attacking me, along with her puke rich daughter, on their whatever reality tv show they have. it is implied. hilton's mother implies that she supports her daughter, even if her daughter is childish, disrespectful, weird, greedy and cruel, to so many people. i have already communicated that i feel threatened by the entire hilton family. this is not a joke, or 'the simple life', which seems to be how paris hilton feels about it. her mommy fakes being cool, or thinking that she thinks that her daughter is cool, when she knows that she really isn't cool. rich, but not cool. they want to be in a relationship with their money, and not in a cool, loving, respectful relationship with the community, as a whole. it is like her mommy is stating "yes, we are childish, spoiled, and disrespectful, and we really don't give a damn about anyone, and paris is the leader." a weird, stupid denial about the fact that they are, or have been, a serious problem for the community. it is like they are in a constant, stupid stupor, wanting to dwell on themselves. like i stated, i feel threatened by them. paris hilton fucked up my life so bad, playing stupid, unnecessary games, and so now i hate her, and her family. this is not a game, or 'the simple life'. there is opportunity for her to fix it, but i doubt she will. it is like she destroyed (past tense) something which i was trying to build, leaving a pile of rubble, like she thought that it was fun and interesting to harm me, or humiliate me, a unique male, publicly, wanting to make it about herself. greedy, childish female. i would look at her with confused look, feeling threatened and disrespected, and say "huh, como?" paris hilton thinks that what she did was stupid, too, but that is all part of her dumb blonde gimmick. she has even called it a gimmick. that is how she markets herself, wanting to place the focus on her wealth, and not being talented, because she doesn't want to have to compete with, or compare herself to, real stars. i would like $150 back, and i would like to know if she went on TMZ in october of 2008 (sometime during the week before halloween), making reference to me by name. i know that she did, and she seems to have wanted to put me in harm's way. an apology would be good, too. not only for me, but the entire community.
what paris hilton did to me (and other people) is selfish, childish, weird and cruel. it confuses me, and makes me literally sick, to think that she gets the attention which she gets, in the media. obviously the people who work around her are so ignorant of the fact that she is a bad person, and they are wrongfully manipulated. paris isn't anything interesting, and her mommy isn't anything interesting either; hence, reality tv shows. paris is a piece of shady trash, and her family is shady trash, too.
i don't want to keep going on about this. sick of it.
it is a weird, insecure black guy, and a weird, insecure mexican girl who want to try to humiliate a decent white person, publicly, in america, because i am more popular than they are. not all blacks and mexicans would do this. this particular black and this particular mexican are insecure, and behave in a low class, unintelligent, sleazy thug like manner. they are also trying to promote low class, unintelligent, sleazy thug like behavior amongst blacks and mexicans. they are trying to promote a type of fake pride amongst blacks and mexicans. they are wanting to try to turn this into a stupid racial thing, confused about why they are what they are, with them wanting people to think that they are like celebrities when they are not. i don't think that it will work. most blacks and mexicans are nicer and smarter than that. this particular black guy and this particular mexican girl think that they made themselves look bad, or that they have made blacks and mexicans looks bad, so they are trying to humiliate me, a white person, so that they feel better about themselves, publicly. they won't feel better about themselves if they keep acting weird and mean.
i am not being allowed to rest, so my mind doesn't reset, or isn't able to think about my life differently. these people who are acting aggressively want us to feel threatened by them. they are admitting to being creeps, but implying that the police can't do anything about it, or that no one else can't do anything about it either. oh well. we are stuck, and it is very sad.
this mexican girl and black guy intentionally ruin the day, every day, by intentionally irritating me before i get out of bed every morning. they are not trying to help motivate me, or anyone else. they are making a sick joke about how they know that it is cruel. it is a horrible way to start the day. you can't concentrate or relax once you get out of bed. they imply that i don't have the right to get out of bed when i want to, or when i feel like it, just like everyone else does. freedom and peace. they are trying to trick ignorant people into thinking that they are being friendly, or loving, when they are not. they are reinforcing the notion that they are going to stalk me, each and every day, so it is damaging. they don't want me to be popular, because they are unpopular. they are also turning it into a racial issue, because they made themselves unpopular. they would rather make everyone, including themselves, unpopular, rather than leave me alone so that people know that i am healthy and productive.
i know what i am communicating about, when i state that this girl is a mexican girl, who probably still lives in houston, texas. she wanted people to know who she was, years ago, following me out into the community, wanting me to talk about it. now she is trying to confuse people about it, wanting them to think that maybe she is a mexican girl, or that maybe i don't know what i am communicating about, depending on whether or not she thinks that it will work for her when she talks with some hypothetical mexican guy in the future, trying to get money from him. she is an evil gold digger. she is trying to create opportunities for her to get along with some guy with money, whether he liked me or not, mixing things together, trying to confuse ignorant people, trying to get herself out of trouble, not caring at all about anyone. i wouldn't be surprised if she ends up being a drug addict, alcoholic, in jail, or institutionalized.
this mexican girl has a weird, angry, childish hatred of men, including george h. w. bush, or men with power, like me. she wants to childishly harm men, or a man's image, like christ. black women wanted to do the same thing. she thinks that women are inferior, or are thought to be inferior, and she doesn't like it. she stupidly attempts to make it seem like women are superior, doing it in a very stupid, childish way. she is weird, with a weird mental problem, who viciously attacks an innocent, defenseless man, every day, all day long, in order to try to make it seem like women are powerful, when she is nothing but a lazy coward, who will try to get out of doing honest work, in any way which she can. she tries to give women this image of strength in such a stupid, childish way, that it is ridiculous. it is totally absurd. all she has ever done, is to make a total mess of everyone's life, panicking. she is actually making a joke about how women are not strong, and annoying.
this mexican girl is desperately trying to have me killed by someone, or people, who i am in activity with, who she is making sick from all of her unnecessary, incredibly stupid aggression. i have communicated this before. don't be surprised if someone ends up shooting me. she is so stupid, because i was going to try to kill myself, peacefully, back in 2018. read below. she wanted to try to make mexican men think that i didn't have honor, or think that she doesn't exist, so that she wouldn't keep me alive, because it doesn't make any sense. she wants to have me killed, but is also trying to give herself a way out of social trouble, trying to give herself an alibi. real ugly attitude, real unfriendly mexican girl. like her fantasy about her image is that she wants to be known as a smart criminal, like el chapo (who was not that smart), wanting people to know what she is, but wanting to get away with it, too. all this evil girl thinks about is lying to a mexican guy, wanting to make him dumb, while she has sex with him, wanting to get money from him. i know that mexican girls who i am in constant 24/7 activity with agree with me. she never cared about anyone. not me. not some mexican guy she would be with. not innocent children. not her family. not God. no one. she has a stereotypical, smug, sleazy, creepy mexican attitude, like that is what she wants mexicans to be known for, and it is really sad, because there are many nice, hard working mexicans in the world.
this black guy and mexican girl are like violent, serial rapists. that is how they seem emotionally, psychologically, etc. it is scary, and very disturbing. there is something seriously wrong with their brains. their brains don't develop properly. i wish that the government would make a statement about this, so that the world knows that there is an agreement that they are a problem. they think that they can be abusive toward people, and that they can get away with it, or that no one can, or will, do anything about it. if you act, then it would deter them. psychological warfare. this black guy is a creep, with a sleazy, fake attitude like "ah nah, black ladies like me." when i know that black ladies have communicated very clearly that they don't like him. he knows that they don't like him, but fakes being cool anyway. he is a weird, sleazy, evil creep.
a few black people and this mexican girl want people to think of nothing else but their hate, anger, and sour attitude all day long, every day. you are angry. you are full of hate. (whoo hoo, whoopi doo for you) guess what? i am not angry. i am a cheerful person, and i have many things to be happy about. you want to make me angry, like you. guess what? i don't want to be like you.
i am sorry if i created something awkward, or confused you, with the george h. w. bush issue. i was very confused in the past, for many reasons, and i had a weird, confusing drug problem. sort of like a dog who got into the garbage can, because he smelled scraps of filet mignon. he is a good, loyal dog, also. i wasn't after money, or northern trust bank, like some of these people lie about. they should quit being stupid about it. they made themselves unpopular, so they are lying about something from my past, wanting to mix it in with something else, so that it seems like something means something which it doesn't mean. i'm not evil, and i'm not the antichrist. it is very painful for people to make fun of me, or to lie about me, because i was young, confused and had a drug problem. i got put into the most confusing situation in the world, so i would appreciate it if you would show some compassion. part of the reason that i went to george h. w. bush's office, was just to see what it looked like. i wanted to get out of my house, and adventure, thinking that bush was a good man, or maybe a special man. i also wanted to believe that i had a special power to help people. i didn't want to believe that i was supposed to make everyone confused, because i was confused and lacked privacy. i lacked confidence, in the beginning of this, because it is weird, and because my whole life got turned upside down. i was inexperienced, and thought in the beginning that things were more important than they were, or are. bush stating "1000 points of light" made me think that there was a special understanding of me, and maybe something specific that i was going to do, helping the world, even thought it seemed crazy. i really wanted to believe that. the black guy confused me about this, too, not knowing what he was. i really didn't want to believe that i was supposed to confuse everyone, or give people a sense of hopelessness, because i lacked privacy, and because i was confused, or feeling hopeless, starting in 1997. it can be so humiliating, but humility is important. now i have worked through the issue, and i don't believe any more that i am supposed to do what i thought that i was supposed to do, in the same way. in a way i am more confident now, but in another way i am more confused. i thought that it meant, or that maybe it meant, that bush had some special job to give me support, like he possessed some special, secretive knowledge of something, even thought it would have seemed crazy at that time, that i was supposed to accomplish something good. i had faith, but it was drug usage which was making me think unrealistically about achieving unrealistic goals. methamphetamine is bad. part of my confusion, is that i thought that maybe the whole thing didn't matter, or that maybe i was not really under any unusual pressure to do anything for the community, or to be something special, and that i wasn't supposed to figure something out for scientists. it was make believe, like a child, but there were good reasons why i was caught up in make believe. i used to think that bush's experience as a freemason was more important than it was. i thought that there was a network of people,, who also worked in government, who knew something about me, thinking that i was connected to it somehow, or that i had some special job in government. i didn't understand how i could be useful to the government, or society, unless i was a part of the government. rome, bible, churches, president getting sworn in with a bible? it really meant that i wanted to believe that something really cool, and loving, was going to happen on earth, and that i was involved in it, but it was unrealistic. i had love in my heart. i thought that maybe i was supposed to figure something out for scientists, and that it was already known that i would do this. wishful thinking. i didn't want to believe that i was supposed to create a mess. i couldn't conceive of me doing something good, being confused, feeling isolated, thinking that i didn't have privacy, when i wasn't high on meth. i was lost. how would you like it, not having privacy, with no one communicating with you? i can't support, unless i am supported (morally/psychologically/emotionally). very simple concept in architecture. maybe it wouldn't be a mess, if someone talked with me, like it is no big deal. another part of the reason that i was confused about the importance of bush, or myself, was because of this black guy, who i didn't know was an ignorant black guy, toying with me. he made me think that i had more power, or more authority, than i did, because i thought that he had more power, or more authority, than he did, or does. he was trying to drive me to do something in the past, thinking that my meth usage was interesting, but he got carried away, and it also seems like he wanted to humiliate me, after he thought that he was embarrassing himself, because of how he knew that he was confusing me, making a mess. he wasn't, or isn't committed. he wasn't, or isn't committed, just like this mexican girl wasn't, or isn't, either.
i understand if people think that me going on about stuff is weird, or unnecessary. sometimes i don't like it. sometimes i look back at what i have written, and think, "damn, they think that i am just a little bitch." nope. unusual situation, and the people who betray us won't succeed. i'm like an animal which wants to protect its' young from predators. i am being intentionally made sick every day, so i can't think clearly. it is really bad. i am not faking it, like these evil people who try to recruit other evil people want people to think. it is like someone who is being poisoned, who is trying to work, and be happy. they won't allow me to rest, like the rest that healthy people, who can think clearly and relaxed, ordinarily have. or, it is like someone who is being drowned under water, by weirdos who want people to know that they get a weird, childish, sick thrill from it, because there is no law which protects me, and i start to freak out a little bit, trying to stay alive, or trying to keep other people alive, or trying to make some sense of what is happening. these people who are doing this, to me, and to you, want to be thought of as sleazy thugs, or like people who are making a sick joke about how they think that they are low class.
i was rereading what i wrote above, and now it is a few other people who are acting like dogs, making a mess, getting into the garbage can. actually, i am a very giving person, because i am required to be, so i am not sure if the dog analogy is correct for me. i was just confused. the black guy and i are both to blame for the george h. w. bush issue, so is george h. w. bush for stating "1000 points of light" (unusual, but he didn't have a bad intent), but now the black guy is the only one to blame, because he and the mexican girl keep stupidly, unnecessarily going on about it, because he told people to lie about my character, putting them under pressure, and because they won't take responsibility for what he did, ganging up on me, real cheesy and dumb, knowing that he confused me. he doesn't want to take responsibility for creating a mess. he is a weird, childish, insecure black man, who embarrasses easily, and then tries to humiliate someone else.
these people who betrayed the community think that the internet works against them, so they try to make it work against me, by confusing me, assaulting me, causing me to defend myself and the community, trying to make it look like i am angry and evil.
if you want to try to have me put to sleep at a hospital, then fine, but i am not going to try to commit suicide again. i will gladly die, at a hospital, if you can arrange it (euthanization), for the peace and happiness of the community, but i would like to be shown a little bit of respect first.
i am a constant, 24/7, public person, and there is no law which protects me from a very few sadistic, childish, weird, psychopathic creatures, who are in a human form (black guy who has my vision in his left eye / mexican girl who has my vision in her left eye). they are weird, scary psychopaths. you would want peace, too. not only for you, but for the community as well. you would want peace, or you would want there to be some type of official public statement, which you were informed about, made internationally, so that these sadistic, scary creatures don't think that they can be evil, and childish, flaunting it, and that it doesn't matter. they are like children, who need to be corrected, by an authoritative body. just like in global, or international politics. this seems to be more like interstellar politics, or space politics. doesn't mean that no one can address it on earth.
why doesn't the government advance the law?
my girlfriend, shelly, had a CT scan today (12/16/22), paid for out of pocket. they told her that they would call her right away if there was an emergency. looks good so far. something is seriously wrong with her. she has had covid 4 times, she was taking large amounts of ibuprofen for dental work, and she also developed a hiatal hernia a few months ago which has caused problems, and we don't understand what is what, or why she is having the problems she is having. her digestive system hasn't been the same. the doctor gave her antibiotics, thinking that she had developed diverticulitis, but we don't know if that will fix it, or what is going on.
i apologize if me communicating about this causes confusion in the community, but i need help, accountability, and am trying to stop people from playing evil, childish games. i will always be worried about black women playing games, because they wanted people to know that they wanted people to know that they wanted to play nasty games. quit being angry, and leave me, my family, and my girlfriend alone.
I am concerned that a few black women, who would work in the medical profession, or for blue cross/blue shield medical insurance, might be tampering with my girlfriend's medical or insurance paperwork, in order to intentionally lengthen the amount of time before she is needed to have a CT scan, so that a problem in her colon develops, without it being properly diagnosed. my girlfriend's name is Michele R. she lives in houston, texas. we think that she has diverticulitis, or that is what a doctor thinks, but we don't think that someone intentionally caused the diverticulitis. it may be related to large amounts of ibuprofen that she was taking. black women have a habit of trying to humiliate me, and/or people who are around me, like me and some other girl. like me and paris hilton, too. they have proven themselves to be childish, and mean spirited, intentionally infecting my blood, with something which attacked my digestive system, back in 2011. also stealing my mail, faking, trying to make it appear as if the mail system was doing what it was supposed to. they also recently stole my niece's birthday card + $20 cash, right after it was obvious that i i was worried that they would steal it, and that they were making me uncomfortable. they may meddle with the medical paperwork, in order to try to make it look like it required more time than it did, or to try to make it look like the doctors are working on it, when black women already intend to sabotage the entire process, only after making it appear to look like a real decision by a doctor was made. my girlfriend needs a CT scan for her lower abdomen. black women have known about what is going on with my girlfriend's health, for months, and they know our personal information, because i lack privacy.
don't you think that it would be a good idea for the president of the united states to make a statement, about the potential of people meddling with my business, or my family's business, because i lack privacy?
or the mayor of houston? or the governor of texas?
black women have a motive to harm me, or my loved ones, publicly. i was verbally attacked in 2008, by an evil, childish black women, and i called her a name in response. i meant it to be funny, but also defensive. it could have called her something much worse, or more racist like, but i didn't, because i really wasn't a racist.
the CT scan was denied by insurance, but i'm still not sure if someone is tampering with the paperwork. i am not just paranoid. i have a good reason to be concerned. i have been harassed. my family (another female/ my niece) has been harassed. black women have a motive to harm me, or my loved ones, publicly. i have no protection from law enforcement, or the government. i just got off of the phone with my girlfriend, and now black women got to hear the conversation, which is ordinarily private, and they can then send messages, which there is evidence that they do anyway, to other black girls, working at different organizations. when a doctor ordinarily tells a medical clerk to do something, it gets done right away. how do i know that someone isn't throwing the paperwork away, or filing it away as something other than what it should have been filed away as? do you see how this is scary? maybe not, or maybe you don't care, since you are not the one who has been, or who could be harassed. we are paying for the CT scan out of pocket. it is supposed to be done tomorrow (12/16/22), and the results are supposed to go back to the doctor. but what if they don't? what if someone who knows what the conversation was, or what i am typing now, wants to play around? these black women have proven themselves to be so nasty, like they want people to think of it as a game of theirs, like it is a fad or trend of theirs to be publicly nasty. my girlfriend's stool is turning a light brown, yellowish color, which is exactly what happened to me before my colon had to be resectioned. something is wrong with her colon, and why don't they order a CT scan? what if they don't get bad results back to the doctor immediately, intentionally dragging this on, wanting my girlfriend to have to wear a colostomy bad, just like they made me do. then some black women would want people to think that i can't communicate anything about what happened to me, accusing black women of intentionally infecting me, because there is no proof. there was proof! black women even wanted people to communicate about what they did to me! you just want me, and people who openly care about me to be ignored. i'm still not sure that black women didn't somehow cause my girlfriend's diverticulitis. they know they she orders groceries from a certain store in houston. they have known this for a long time. they also know where she lives. you know, some black women would just want to harm 2 white love birds, who can be happier than they could ever be, publicly, because of their weird hate and anger. it is just that simple.
i was just at walmart, and as i was standing in line, waiting to pay for the items which i wanted, this black woman who was in the next line over gave me the most stupid, sour, unfriendly, disagreeable, lazy, uncaring look, while shaking her head slowly, like she is complaining about something. like she wanted me to think that it was in reference to something else. what are you complaining about, lady?! look. do you want to know what i think? i think that many black women have a very, lazy, lazy attitude. they are not like people who would be humble and motivated, who would join the military. this is not the time to play games. this is the time to get your ass in gear, and be humble. they brought, or still bring, their own social trouble upon themselves. don't try to stupidly intimidate people in public, because it is so stupid that no one will think that you are smart enough to be able to intimidate people. just because you don't care, doesn't mean that other people shouldn't. don't be lazy, and then complain when you don't have as much as other people do. one way which people could think about this, is that some black women tried to steal my identity from me, implying that they are divine, and that i am not, while having a blatantly ugly, childish attitude. these black women who are acting up, want ignorant people to think that i started it, or that i deserve to be harmed, and humiliated, publicly. i didn't start it, and everyone knows that, but even if i did start it, WHICH I DEFINITELY DIDN'T, no one, no one, deserves to be harmed, or basically tortured, publicly, in the way which these childish, mean spirited black women have done. it just goes back to some childish, lame, evil, mean spirited, envious black women trying to make me and paris hilton look stupid in public. that also doesn't mean that i like paris hilton, or that i want to stick up for her.
i thought that when i die, that there will probably be no story about it on the tv news, and that most people in the world will never know that i was here again, just as it was prophesized. doesn't that seem wrong? all of that community work, and then nothing. it seems so unfriendly, and that seems to not make any sense at all. don't unnecessarily politicize me. i can move on, but the people who are obstructing, and confining me to them, can't move on. that is why they are obstructing, and confining me. dirty politics. as far as the possibility of making a story about me goes, every once in a while, there is a story about something special, or unique. wouldn't it confuse you, making you worry about your, and everyone else's future incarnations, if you were me? wouldn't you want a happy, interesting story for the world? i think that a point is that people overcome death, or something about life cycles. another point is that people should be loving, and hospitable. i don't think that you set a good example, for how other people should be treated, by the way in which you act like you are supposed to shun me. it seems like you don't think of the wise men (3 stars of orion/read below), showing some respect for christ. just a little respect, and just a little love, witnessed, would do the world so much good. that also doesn't mean that you have to make a bigger deal of me than you should, or need to. you don't have to bring me gifts, like the wise men, or bow down before me, but a little public acknowledgment would be kind. moral, psychological support. what else are you not acknowledging, or having reverence for? about the universe, or stars, or christmas (winter solstice/sun cycle rebirth), or biology, or life? it seems like it should be a celebration. i can laugh at my "imperfections". can you? i wish that you would put scientists to work on it, so that they can study it, document it, so that there is not so much confusion, or potential conflict about it.
i am not the one who is an angry person. i have so many reasons to be joyful. this black guy, mexican girl, and a few black women are the ones who are angry. sour, childish, evil, disrespectful, etc. they try to make it look like i am unfriendly, or guilty, on the internet, trying to cover up for their mistakes. i am trying to put out fires. i have stopped them from spreading, along with the help of other honest people. have faith. it will be better once i am dead, but i am not going to try to commit suicide again.
i just read the above paragraph again. why can't this be happy, and celebratory, while i am alive? you seem scared. are you paranoid? why? i am harmless. why don't you communicate with me, in person? are you wanting to set me up for "failure", so that it is more socially convenient for you? it seems like the community is going to fail, because of what it didn't do, demonstrating bravery and love, but maybe i think that because i am not included in the communication which is happening around me.
this became something about a few people, who are not happy, or cheerful, like i am, wanting to harm anyone who is happy, or who can be happy, wanting to make happy people unhappy, or like them. they are weird and scary. personality disorders. they are extremely childish, like children who are screaming because they can't get what they want, or because someone else has more than they do. let me state it again, these few people who are acting up are extremely childish. they want to treat people in an abusive way, confusing them, getting some sick thrill or satisfaction from it. when you put a happy person into the mix, unhappy people become confused, and start to act up, and obstruct. because it is a constant 24/7 public situation, unhappy people do not want to have to, publicly, compare themselves to a person who is knowingly happy, and productive, so they obstruct, making intentionally making everything miserable. they are very childish, like obnoxious children, who are envious. unhappy people do not want this to be a story about my happiness, publicly. or they don't want it to be a story about a happy, special person, because they are unhappy, and think that they are not as special. it is very sad and confusing to think that some people would want to intentionally create this for the public. very selfish and weird. they don't even care about children, or old people who are about to die.
part of the problem, or what has been the main problem, is that a few girls don't want me to be strong in public, because they think that it takes power away from other men, or from other people in general, or because they want to take power away from men, i think because of envy of males bonding. why don't they quit unnecessarily involving me their lives? they should mind their own business, and quit gossiping about me. make yourselves strong. don't obstruct someone else's strength.
this black guy and mexican girl who have my vision in their left eye have gone insane. like criminals who have been locked up in solitary confinement, who start to go insane after some time. they are not intelligent for taking out their frustration and rage on everyone. they want notoriety. very, very dumb. they won't repent. stubborn and stupid. too bad for them.
this black guy and mexican girl who have my vision in their left eye are confused about what people think about them, and confused about what their future incarnations are going to be like, and they want something, angrily, and are impatient, so they are desperately, and stupidly, sloppily, trying to make it seem like the eye on the dollar bill is them, or that they are superior, or trying to claim it, when it is not them. God is a loving God. not a mean, creepy, sadistic God. they are not loving. they are not caring. they are the opposite of what God is, and they know it, and are angry about it.
this black guy and mexican girl who have my vision in their left eye, want me, and other people, to only think of something "negative", from my past. drug usage, confusion, which the black guy, and the mexican girl, know that he contributed toward. they know that i would be thinking of so many positive things, happy and productive, if they quit being aggressive, every day, all day long, intentionally obstructing, wanting to keep everyone going in negative circles. they do it, because THEY are caught up in something negative, which they have created for themselves. they want ignorant people to think that i am in trouble, when i am not, and when they think that THEY are in trouble. they know that people know that they wanted, or still want, to harm the community. i never wanted to harm anyone. we really can't move forward. sorry, it is not my fault. this black guy never tried to give me a stern warning, or advice, to stop using drugs in the past. he enjoyed it, or thought that it was interesting, while at the same time knowing that he was responsible for making me think that maybe things about my life, which were not true, were true, when he knew that they were not true. it seems like he wanted me to get him high, fascinated by what i was doing, and then try to blame me for some problem, which he knew that he was creating.
this mexican girl and black guy who have my vision in their left eye intentionally want to be thought of as stereotypical, unintelligent, unfriendly, black person and mexican person, like they are making a sick, creepy joke of it. when given the opportunity to act like a civil, intelligent person, they didn't want to, or didn't want other blacks and mexicans to think that they should care about it either. this does not mean that i am stuck up. i really don't care too much about how people act, or what they do, as long as it is not mean and dishonest.
they intentionally interfere with people's personal biorhythm, whether or not someone had defined it that way. we don't want their thoughts, or their biorhythm mixed into ours. we want our thoughts, uninterfered with, thought after thought after thought, feeling after feeling after feeling, etc. we can't have thoughts, or feelings, because we can't have thoughts, or feelings, etc., because it keeps getting intentionally interrupted or confused. they are not smart creatures. they can't take care of themselves, like children. they are panicking, wanting to spread their crap, so that other people are not more productive, and happy, than they are.
paris hilton is stalking me, and everyone else. she plays an evil, weird, childish girl game, wanting people to think that she is more interesting than she is.
this black guy and mexican girl think that no one thinks that they are important, unless i am in trouble, like they stupidly want people to think that they are the eye on the dollar bill, watching over everything, so they keep trying to make it look like i am in trouble, or that i am lying. i am not lying. for them to accuse me of lying is the most stupid thing that they could have possibly done. they think that people think that they are weird, so they want people to think that they have some purpose which they don't have, or that it means something about them which it doesdn't mean. i am not in trouble, and i am not lying. i have never lied to anyone who i am in constant 24/7 activity with, ever, and everyone already knew that.
they have a weird pride issue. they pretend as if they have pride, for being low class (they are thinking this), or because of some social issue of theirs, so they intentionally act like low class people. stereotypes. this does not mean that i am stuck up.
every day is like we are being raped by psychopaths. these people are humans. they are not aliens, living on another planet, or in antarctica, like they want people to think maybe they are, trying to cover up for their mistakes.
i'll try to shut up. it is very difficult. it is a confused feeling, like a feeling like you want to fight, because it is better that you do for the public. it is humiliating. i just want to be left alone in peace. these people want to get some stupid, childish thrill, unnecessarily involving me in their lives.
i understand if people would think, "well, do you want to be involved in people's lives, or not?" because of how i am implying that i would like for a story to be made about me. it is about not being unnecessarily involved, or being necessarily involved. unnecessarily politicized, or involved.
the social security administration should not be giving this black man, who developed an unusual problem with his left eye in february of 1998, disability benefits. he is doing blatant, angry harm to the community people, turning it into an incredibly stupid, unnecessary black thing. he started it. he is evil, crazy and sadistic. he is engaged in a type of fraud with the social security administration, because he didn't disclose the fact that he was, or is, in activity with other people, and that he has the power to assault people. he is harming people, .trying to get something for himself. sex problem, money problem, anger problem, etc. if there is any doubt about his story, he should be denied benefits. it totally goes against the concept of "social security".
please make a unified public statement about what is happening. i doubt that this black guy and mexican girl would continue being blatantly disruptive and creepy, wanting their families to think that it doesn't matter, or that their parents should ignore what they are finding out, here and there. flush out their families! they are like criminals, who need to be flushed out! anti social personality disorders. psychopaths. weird and scary. they are insane, and will do great damage to the community. if they think that they community is unified, and taking a stance against them, publicly, i doubt that they will try to get away with it. flush out their families! their families probably told people about who they are, and what they stated that they are doing. i doubt that their families wouldn't help.
what kind of precedent are you setting, by indicating that you are afraid to speak to me, publicly, or that everyone else should be afraid to speak to me, publicly? what about human rights? are children supposed to be afraid? what about christmas? giving christ a present? giving everyone presents? family? friends? love? i don't feel it from you. america seems like a spooky, weird place, and i don't understand why it has to be that way. i'm afraid that you are going to create a spooky, weird place, not being bold and communicating with me, publicly. i don't want to make it a spooky, weird place, with this website. i'm trying to put out fires.
sometimes, i feel like i am a child, about 7 or 8 years old, who is at a christmas party, and i am seeing everyone else talk to other people, having a good time, or doing something interesting, bonding, but no one talks to me, or makes me feel like i am bonded, or no love, and it makes me sad, and empty. we are social beings. i may be 50 years old now, but in ways, if you are observing this, like other people are, it is like you are observing a confused child. i don't develop, because i don't socialize with people who know who i am. that means that nobody develops, or learns.
i don't want it to seem as if i just want to complain. i want to motivate people to do more.
ignorant people don't understand how badly people are being tortured every day. the people who are doing it are like deranged thug creep criminals, who want attention, who you would see a tv show about on forensic files. it is sick, and i don't believe that there is nothing that the community can do about it.
please get the police and/or or FBI, and/or media, and/or government involved, if you can. the community is being stalked/harassed by a few people, who i am in constant 24/7 activity with, who have weird mental problems. a very few psychopaths, and they send to each other signals that they are supporting one another, but they also, intentionally, want to be thought of as childish and socially lame, like children. it is a form of terrorism. they want to create a bizarre, very cruel, very childish mockery of me, and other people who are honest and determined. it seems for their own sick, childish amusement. these people are not happy, and want people to know that they are not happy, and that they want to stalk/harass people who are happy, or who can be happy. envy/jealousy/anger. they want people who they think have less to know that they hate people who have more than they do, but that doesn't mean that i am stuck up. i wanted everyone to be one team, but some of them didn't, or don't, believe that they can be on the team. they try to get people who have less to hate me, apparently because they think that they are gearing up for a war. why? it seems like they are panicking for no reason. people already know what i am communicating about. these people want to use this unusual situation to direct unnecessary attention toward themselves, trying to intimidate others, like people who are low class, who feel intimidated by people who have more, but i'm not trying to intimidate them. childish, selfish and dangerous. it should stop. these people who are acting up want to make a person (me) who they know would be happy, PUBLICLY, unhappy, because they are people who are not happy. they are unhappy people, disabled, who don't want to have to compare themselves, PUBLICLY, to a person who people know is happy, so they sabotage. these people have been making a very cruel, very childish, very weird mockery of my honesty, and intent, for years. they are making fun of people who care, publicly, because they are lazy and unfriendly. a few of them lie about me, putting their own personal, selfish, childish interests above the interests of the community. a few people are trying to create division in the community, because they don't want to have to work as hard as hard working, honest people, so they are lying about me. that is why i created this section of this website. i want to put out fires, and i have help from other people.
this black guy, mexican girl, and a few black women are sadistic, evil and weird childish. you really don't understand what i mean, when i state that they are sadistic. they want to get away with it, like they are children playing a game, with no adults to stop them. they are like an animal who preys on another animal. they want people to know that they are ugly racists, with a weird inferiority complex. it is scary, and i wish that the police would help me and the community. their unwanted aggression is everyday, obstructing everyone's life. this black guy, mexican girl, and a few black women act like crazy, sadistic animals. IT IS WEIRD AND SCARY. they are psychopaths, who want to harm people who can be happier than they can be. these people who are attacking us, think that ignorant people wouldn't believe what they are doing, or that they will think that i was the problem, BECAUSE WHAT THEY ARE DOING DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE, SO THAT THEY THINK THAT PEOPLE WILL THINK THAT I WAS THE PROBLEM, OR THAT I DESERVED TO BE ATTACKED.
these few blacks, and a mexican, who are stupidly acting up, seem to think that they are lower than whites, and that they are supposed to be thought of as lower than whites, and that they want to be thought of as lower than whites. it seems like they want to be thought of a low class, also trying to intimidate people. it is sad, because not all blacks and mexicans think the same way. i am not just complaining, i am wanting to prevent this type of ugly (it can be stereotypical) attitude from spreading. it is ridiculous. a few people flipped out in public, when comparing themselves to christ, publicly. i had problems with a few white people in the country, too, in the past, but they stopped back in 2011.
this black guy wants to be thought of as a blatantly evil, cold hearted, creepy, sleazy, childish man. he tries to recruit black women to act like they support black men who are like him, or he pretends like he thinks that black guys want to act like him, knowing that they hate him.
when you stick christ in the middle of it, some weak, unfriendly people start to flip out, thinking that they can't do the same thing, publicly, so they act up.
a few black people are blatantly obstructing my life, because they think that whites will look better than blacks, if they leave me alone. a few blacks confused their image, because this is a public situation, and they are trying to get other blacks to act up stupid, but most blacks are not stupid, so it won't work. it is their weird, childish hate, or it is racially motivated, like children who are angry. a few black people acted up in public, wanting childish attention, and now they think that they made themselves look bad, so they don't want me to look good, so they obstruct. they want ignorant people to think that they have an excuse to obstruct, and they don't care if people know that they are lying. that is how bad they want to make me look bad, publicly. they want people knowing that they are childish racists, trying to recruit other blacks. this is a public matter. this mexican girl is doing the same thing. she doesn't want whites to look better than mexicans. it seems like these blacks and this mexican are doing this, also because of racial stigma which blacks and mexicans already face. they shouldn't make their problem everyone else's problem. the few who are acting up are ugly, childish, low class, sleazy, mean spirited bullies, who try to get other people to join in with them, but i doubt that they will join in with them. they are the racists, who are full of hate. just because i am white, doesn't mean that i march with white supremacists, or am wanting to hate. they want me to hate them, because of the way which they treat me in public, so that they can point the finger at me, trying to make people feel sorry for them. they are the ones who hate.
a few blacks and this mexican girl think that people thought that a white person (me) was getting special attention, or is more special than they are, so they became confused, and acted up in public, and made themselves look stupid, and now they are insecure about it. also, they thought people thought that a white person is more special than they are, but it is only because they are weak, boring blacks, or a weak, boring mexican, and also because they know that people think that they made themselves look bad in public, so they are insecure about it, wanting to obstruct my life, not wanting me to be more popular than they are. not all blacks and mexicans are boring, or weak. they try to make it look like i am a racist, when they are the racists, who want to stupidly dwell on their skin color, instead of thinking of something else. i don't want to create division. they want to try to create division.
WHY CAN'T THE POLICE COME TALK TO ME??!!
they have an inferiority complex. i don't care if this doesn't make me popular to communicate this. it is the truth, and if people would be honest about people's feelings, or what people already understand about human behavior, then they wouldn't criticize me, or act like i am being stuck up.
this black guy tries to get black women to state that they like black men who act stupid. they try to get the same from him. it is not going to work.
i understand if ignorant people say, "ok, ok, ok... enough!" you don't understand how often our lives are being obstructed. it is more than obstruction, it is a form of torture.
the few girls who created a problem for everyone, are admitting to not being able to lead, or build, like they are making a sick, childish joke of it. like sour losers, who want people to know that they don't care, and don't want to try. i don't mean that all girls are like this. this black guy does what he does, lying for black women, acting up, because he thinks that they will look bad together, if he doesn't, or if he leaves me alone, so that i am happy and productive, and more popular. if black women hadn't done what they had done, this black guy wouldn't be doing what he is doing, terrorizing the community. i don't want to upset girls, but girls know how girls are, and often they play UNNECESSARY, childish games, wanting to toy with men. it was dangerous. it is dangerous. they have created a problem, and won't fix it, or won't stop creating a problem. paris hilton is one of them. she is not a lady. i don't care how wealthy she is, she is not a lady. it is a bunch of BS. superficial "i have class, because i am wealthy" crap. it is just about flaunting their childishness and wealth. the people at the hilton hotel company are out of touch with reality, with these new hilton hotel commercials, using paris as the icon. weird. she is knowingly a childish, irresponsible, disrespectful creep. the family is out of touch with reality.
i wouldn't be surprised if black women had thought about vandalizing my girlfriend's mom's house, where i just power washed and stained the fence. they might do it just to spite me, just like they wanted to spite me, when they intentionally infected my blood, intentionally infecting my colon with diverticulitis, back in 2011.
you have each other to talk to about this, in order to help you better cope. i don't. that is why i go crazy on the internet. i am trying to put out negative fires, so that they don't spread, but i don't want to create unnecessary negativity, either. it would be nice if you spoke something kind, and reassuring to me, and to my family, knowing that i am being publicly assaulted. then i get to thinking that you enjoy this, or find it fascinating, knowing that i am suffering, like sadistic creatures which these few people are trying to turn you into. it can become something about power, and people don't want to think that i am more powerful than they are, because they can think that it will complicate their lives. we could have shared, or distributed power.
it seems like a few people are implying that i should be hated, or mocked, or harassed, or laughed at in a mean way, because i used to be a drug addict, or because i am an alcoholic. i don't think that other people would agree with you.
one of the things which the few people who lie about me, lie about, is the fact that i tried to commit suicide more than once. i tried to get someone to shoot me in the head, in remote locations, more than once. one time someone showed up, but then it seemed like they got nervous, or confused, or that maybe they were only interested in collecting up front money, and not all of the money which someone was going to give them. then i discovered that i could get xanax online, only for suicide attempt, so i thought that i found a peaceful way of committing suicide, by overdose. i got a job at pappasito's restaurant in the memorial area of houston in 2018, so that i could have money to order the xanax. i told people that i wanted to work for 6 months, or 1 year, and take a trip somewhere, and then attempt to commit suicide. the mexican girl made it impossible for me to be able to work on the first day of work (all i was able to work was 2.92 hours/i have the work stub payment information) because she wants ignorant mexican guys to think that i don't have honor (which is not true at all), or that i am lazy (which is not true at all), or that all i wanted to do is take xanax (which is not true at all), or that she really wanted me to try to do work (which is not true at all). i really wanted to get away from this mexican girl, and get her away from other people. that is the main reason that i wanted to commit suicide. she makes people miserable. she is trying to give herself an alibi, because she thinks that mexican guys wouldn't think that she would allow me to stay alive, when it limits her life. her problem is that she doesn't care about her life, or living an honest life, and also that she tries to hustle her way into a better life, wanting to somehow talk about who she was, or is, while trying to defame me. she wanted to keep me alive, in order to try to use me, and also attempt to wrongfully defame me. i told her to leave me alone for 1 week, or 10 days, just to be sure, for over 1 year after i had this job at pappasito's, just to prove that i was serious and work, and that she wasn't, and she made a very stupid, very childish mockery of it, or my intent to work, or my intent to try to commit suicide peacefully, wanting to give other people their space, by intentionally doing something very stupid every day, not establishing trust. she still won't establish trust, along with the black guy, too.
i am not going to attempt to commit suicide on my own again. you will have to kill me, yourself. i am not going to leave my mother, or my girlfriend, or my family.
this mexican girl wants to be known to be known to be a mexican girl, in america, who is a mexican racist, with an ugly, obnoxious, very childish, stereotypical attitude, and some hatred of white people. she tries to make it seem like all mexicans are like she is, when they aren't, and when she knows that they aren't. she has an ugly mind, just like this black guy does. some kind of alien mind, in a human, which is trying to dominate. it has a weird, massive inferiority complex, and wants to harm anyone who it thinks is happier, or superior. sort of like an animal, which knows that it is inferior. the government should try to arrange to have me euthanized, peacefully, for the benefit of the world. these creatures who are attacking us are negative aliens. weird, creepy, sadistic creatures, who are trying to use electronic communication as a way of dominating, with negativity. they can't be positive, because of what they know that they are, so they are negative creatures, who want to harm people who are happy. you don't understand how ugly and weird these things are. negative gossip will go on for thousands of years. the government could also make an international tv news story about this, so that negative gossip doesn't dominate, so that it seems as if there is consensus to fight against these creatures, and for people to love one another, and be happy.
it is so unfair to have to be stuck like this. meaning, for the entire community to have to be stuck like this. i wish that the police, media, or government would make a statement. get everyone on the same page, indicating that there should be a basic public consensus about not creating unnecessary problems for the community. make the most of it. i know that it can be confusing, but people should make the most of it. i get it if you are thinking "well, you don't create unnecessary problems for the community." i have to fight, but yes, i agree, i don't want to go on more than i need to.
it seems like the real reason that this black guy and mexican girl want to harass me, or want to humiliate me, publicly, is because i used to be addicted to methamphetamine. really. it seems like they are implying that i am not christ, or that i am the anti christ, because i used to be a drug addict, or because i am an alcoholic (not a real bad problem). what is even more painful, and ridiculous, is that this black guy and mexican girl, with smug attitudes, know that the black guy created the confusion, and the sadness, which contributed to the reason that i wanted to use methamphetamine. it all seems like childish, mean spirited people who want to bully me, and make fun of me, publicly, because i am not considered "perfect". there are many good people in the world, who have been drug addicts, or who are alcoholics.
some black women did the same thing, with regard to me being considered "perfect", intentionally, childishly, strangely, provoking my anger in public, like it was a game to them, implying that i am am evil, or the anti christ, just because i was inevitably irritated, and hurt. like they were saying "oh, look! he ain't perfect...he ain't perfect...", but also, i guess, in a way, implying that there was nothing wrong with my anger.
i think that the police and/or FBI already know about me, and this unusual situation. i have thought that they think that they have a good reason to not communicate with me, publicly, but it would make me feel better if they did. treat me like any other famous person who is knowingly having trouble. please give the FBI tips about this black guy, who has an unusual issue with his left eye (social security disability since march or april of 1998?), and this mexican girl, who i believe still lives in houston, texas, who has an unusual issue with her left eye. i doubt that she receives social security disability benefits, because she was so young when the activity with her began. she was probably about 20 years old. now, in 2022, she is about 32 years old.
i would really like for the police or FBI to come to my home, stating to me (in front of everyone else) that they know who i am, that they know that a problem exists, and that a public statement has been made, so that i know that everyone is aware of what is happening. i am under immense pressure. i would like to feel, in front of everyone, that there is a greater sense of social confidence, or social order, in what is happening. my presence is not that important. this happens all of the time, every few thousand years, or every few days to God. people should not unnecessarily politicize me.
it would be nice if someone steered this situation in a different course. i have been talking out loud to people for 20 years, since 2002, and no one ever said anything back to me. it is very confusing and painful. disclosure is not healthy unless it is reciprocated. i wanted to feel as if we were one happy family. by not communicating to me, publicly, people create an impression that they don't care about me, or that no one should act like they care about me, or anyone else, or that everyone has to be afraid. children are supposed to be afraid? why? how would you like it, if it was you? wouldn't you want to socialize with people, being happy? giving a hug or hand shake? you wouldn't want to feel as if people demonize you.
a few people lie about me and george h. w. bush. i had a good intent, just very confused for many reasons. no problem. i wanted to believe that i could help people in a manner which was unrealistic. suspension of disbelief. they also lie about northern trust bank. no, it is not important because it is a bank. just a misunderstanding. i thought that it was good for everyone. nothing unethical.
this black guy who i am in constant 24/7 activity with, who can create contractions of my muscle and soft tissue, who i didn't know was an ignorant black guy until 13 years after the constant 24/7 activity began (1998 - 2011), was, in the beginning, the main reason that i thought that maybe my purpose was so important, with study, that maybe it didn't matter if i used methamphetamine when i studied, but it was also because the only time i thought that i could accomplish something good was when i was high, because of how i was confused, and basically a sad person when i wasn't high. i was addicted to methamphetamine for 10 years (1997 - 2007). i got isolated from my family and the community, because of experiences with supernatural, and this black guy, who i didn't know was a black guy, so i felt like i had to do something special on my own for it to make sense. i wanted to believe in something good, and if you would have understood how weird and confused my life was, after 1997, you would understand why i would want to believe that. this black guy, who i didn't know was an ignorant black guy, is weird, and was confusing me very bad. it didn't make sense to me for God to create a mess, thinking that this was divine, so i my mind wanted to believe in something amazing, and happy, thinking that maybe i had a special purpose to figure out something special for scientists (weather). it took time to work through the issue, so in a way i am not as confused and sad now. this black guy (in 2002) acted aggressively toward me in a gentle, reassuring way, in front of everyone else, wanting to reassure everyone else, making me think that it was ok for me to think that everything was ok, or that i had support from george h. w. bush, or that there was some (i was less mature/more impressionable) special mumbo jumbo, hocus pocus, skull and bones, CIA, freemasonic, high level government understanding of me, when i was writing an innocent innocent letter to bush, trying to get advice from him, or figure out what was going on, knowing that i didn't have privacy, RIGHT AT THE MOMENT THAT I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BE WRITING TO HIM, BECAUSE I WAS USING METHAMPHETAMINE, KNOWING THAT I DIDN'T HAVE PRIVACY. it seemed like the black guy wanted to reassure me, and everyone who he thought was observing me, that i wasn't writing anything wrong when i became uneasy, thinking that maybe i shouldn't be doing what i was doing, out of respect for bush. the black guy, now, definitely lies about why he did what he did, because of how he is so rude, and stupid, and because at the time he did what he did, he didn't know that he would later be the main reason that thought that it was ok to go to bush's office in 2005, just to try to drop off mail, partly because just i wanted to see what his office looked like, and that he (black guy) would create a big problem (in 2006), making me think that northern trust bank was more important that it is, stimulating me on my right side (east side/thought that it had something to do with one shriner's recognition test/going toward God/sun/world/good for the world/like a young child), after i saw this sign for northern trust bank in the elevator of bush's office (in 2005). another reason that i went to his office, is because deep down, i knew that i had a drug problem, and i wanted to feel as if someone would help me, irregardless. i was high at the time that i went to his office. i guess in the back of my mind, i was trying to make it seem like i thought that i was still acceptable, because people knew that i wanted to help others. just very confused. horrible, weird addiction. i wanted to believe that someone loved me, and i looked up to mr. bush. he was commander in chief for part of the time when i was in the military. i guess i really wanted help, or to believe that everything was going to be ok. my life was so weird. i didn't believe that bush would publicly support me unless i figured out something useful for scientists, but it wasn't a realistic goal. what was i trying to figure out? i studied a great deal, but i didn't know what to write about, or to make an argument about. i think that people already understand what i was studying anyway. this black guy is blatantly lying about my intent, and his intent, when he made reference to northern trust bank in 2006, when i just happened to be driving by a northern trust bank branch location, as a passenger in a car, going to get food, as a dinner guest. he is lying, stating that i was thinking something which i wasn't thinking about california, right at the time he acted aggressively, because he didn't know that i would end up writing about northern trust bank, not in an unethical way, and sending it to california, afterwards. the black guy is lying, stating that the reason he stimulated me on the right (east) is because i was thinking of california. no. it wouldn't have mattered what side of my body it was on, as long as it was opposite of where a northern trust branch location which i would have driven by, as a passenger in a car, was located. all i stated in the letter, THINKING THAT IT WAS MY SPECIAL DUTY to communicate about northern trust, was that i saw a sign for it in bush's office, in the elevator. nothing unusual about physical contractions, or east, or anything else. i wrote to johnny depp, who i had already started to send writing work to, working on a screenplay, "i am not intentionally steering you in that direction, but you might want to check it out" (or) "i am not trying to intentionally steer you in that direction, but you might want to check it out." i thought that it was my special duty to do this. it wasn't the black guy's intent to make me do this, creating a long term mess, like this crap you are reading right now, so he is saying that i thought about it before i did. THERE IS NOTHING EXCEPTIONALLY SPECIAL OR EXCEPTIONALLY DIVINE ABOUT NORTHERN TRUST BANK. it was just a misunderstanding. nothing unethical. i tried to protect people from that bank in 2010, having written a letter to their legal department, because since i thought that it was a public matter, that the bank was starting to take advantage of people. it is obvious that this black guy is lying about it, stupid east and west, north and south crap, real ugly and real stupid. really childish, insecure black man. he tells black women to lie for him, because he is an insecure black man. he was implying that i was not trustworthy (northern TRUST), when he is the one who isn't trustworthy, because he knew at the time that he was the main reason that i thought that maybe there was some special support, or special connection with bush and the government, or why i was in bush's office, just trying to drop off mail. this black guy has a habit of thinking that he makes himself look bad, or embarrassing easily, and then trying to put it off on me, being weird, childish and insecure. socially lame. like a NBA basketball player, who would just stupidly bitch and bitch about another player on his team, after he (black guy who i am in activity with) made a bad pass of the ball, which enabled the other team to score and win, not taking responsibility for his part in it, or not just being cool and social. this black guy is a sleazy, evil, insecure creep, who wants people to know that he lies about what he did, trying to recruit sleazy, evil, creepy black people, who are racists, to lie for him, because he is embarrassed, and an insecure black man, who has a habit of trying to humiliate me when he thinks that he makes himself look bad. black women do this too. they try to humiliate me after they think that they make themselves look bad. he also didn't know that black women would make black people look so bad, in 2011, when they intentionally infected my blood, intentionally causing me to develop diverticulitis, so he tries to make it look like i was more of a problem in the past than i was, in order to try to cover for them, because he thinks that they both make black people look bad. it is so sad for black people, but it is just a few of them who are acting up, so they all shouldn't be ashamed. the letter which i sent to bush in 2002 didn't say very much, and it would have seemed like i was confused, and maybe nervous. i mentioned something about geomagnetic reversals in the letter, thinking that maybe i had a special purpose to figure something useful for scientists and the community, weather, and i wanted to see if he would write back. change in weather, logistics. love dream. wishful thinking. part of the issue was a book 'fingerprints of the gods', by graham hancock, which i thought was more special or important than it was. if this black guy wouldn't have acted aggressively when i wrote the letter to bush in 2002, confusing me about a concept of support which i thought that maybe i had (i didn't know that it was an ignorant black guy who was acting aggressively/i thought that it was high level government stuff) in a reassuring way, i probably would have stopped thinking that i had support from the government, or that i was supposed to do something special for scientists, and probably would have quit using methamphetamine, because bush didn't write back to me. i don't even know if bush got the letter. for a while, i think around 2009 or 2010, i thought that it was george h. w. bush who was creating the physical contractions in me. one time i went to his office in 2011, acting weird (not high on methamphetamine) and the police took me, peaceful, to the VA psychiatric ward at the VA hospital. i was interviewed by the secret service about 2 or 3 days later. part of the reason that i thought that george h. w. bush was more important than he was, is because i thought that it was a special sign that we were both in houston, texas, together. like a young child, who read into things too much. ignorant people don't understand. i was going so crazy in the past, that i couldn't' believe that the government wouldn't step in and try to do something for the community. i was a danger to the community. these people who are playing games, now, are a danger to the community. why wouldn't the government not want to try to reassure the public?
sorry to the bush family, and the secret service, for this getting dragged on in the way that it is. it is not my fault. these people who are lying about it are acting like little children, wanting people to gossip about it, when it is not important, or when people already understand. it is unusual, but not important. no problem.
this is why the FBI or police need a search warrant to search, because if there is no real reason to search, then information can be taken out of context.
my life changed when i was 24/25 years old. so that would mean that it was like i was a 4 or 5 year old when i wrote to bush the first time. then it would be like i was a 7 or 8 year old, when i went to his office. i had to learn everything all over again. i am sure that people out there understand what i mean. it completely changes everything you thought that you understood about life.
now it would be like i am a 25 year old. i wasn't putting anything online until my facebook account (now disabled) in 2015 or 2016. this website you are looking at now helps me organize information, better than i could organize information on facebook. facebook kicked me off about 15 times for communicating things which didn't meet their community standards. now it is disabled because i tried to post the police report, and photos of the paris hilton stamps on the envelope with no postmark, which are in the 'visual' / (important) section of this website. it meant that hilton was putting me at odds with people, or black people, or black people who who work in mail. sort of like she childishly, selfishly, stupidly wanted me to champion her in front of everyone, wanting me all to herself, not caring how she was destroying and confusing my life, and my relationships with other people. she continues to destroy and confuse my life. this is after a black women stupidly, childishly attacked me when i was at a grocery store in 2008, wrongfully implying that i was after hilton's money, or that i had done something wrong, which i didn't do. i called the black woman a name, because she was so incredibly cruel, evil, and childish, wanting to harm my ability to get along with other people, or to be loved, when i had done nothing wrong. people can explain. people already know about this. i am still being attacked by black women. they made a big, stupid, nationwide deal of the fact that i called this one evil, incredibly rude, incredibly childish black woman a name. they have acted like stupid, ugly attitude, socially lame, childish monsters. the black woman who was, or is, evil and childish, had been talking all kinds of shit about me for years with her cheesy girlfriends before the crap which hilton created, and then when i started to move on with my life, work, and a peaceful, happy, sober spiritual life, quit smoking cigarettes, exercising, working cool job in live theater (im not trying to get my job back), this black woman who was at a grocery store sabotaged it, because of her envy, jealously, or because she already had created a social problem for herself saying things about me which she shouldn't have. it continues. they created social problems for themselves, by not wanting to be thought of as loving people. many of them created social problems for themselves. at the grocery store, i was thinking of my pride, my financial future, and my ambition, and honest work, after i thought that i was being insulted, or after i thought that someone was trying to take my pride away from me, publicly. it got mixed together with hilton, or my thought of her respecting me because i worked, or my thought of hilton "supporting" me publicly (not money), or the thought of hilton and i having self worth, or value, together, back when i thought that she had self worth (not money), in an awkward, confused way, which is totally understandable. i had to take change out of a change jar at the grocery store, pulling it toward me, after i thought that hilton and i were being insulted, and it confused me, causing me to take the change out slightly more aggressively than normal, and i felt confused or awkward as if did it. it would have confused anyone. what was i supposed to do? leave the change in the change jar? why would i have done that? that would have meant that i was doing something wrong, when i wasn't. it confused me, and i talked it right when i got home from the grocery store. then that evil, childish, weird black woman tried to make it seem like i shouldn't be loved by anyone, the next day when i was at the store again, because she was envious, or jealous. guess what? i gave her a taste of her own nasty medicine. it wasn't my intent to be with paris hilton, publicly. she involved me in her life, in a stupid, unnecessary way.
it was a mistake for the black man to have betrayed me, and the community in the way which he did, about george h. w. bush and northern trust bank. it was his mistake, and not mine. mexican's girl's mistake, too. they try to get people to play "make believe" with them, like little children, that i am bad and that they are good. they are so aggressive, everyday, intentionally making us sick. they are weird animals, or some disgusting combination of human and animal, but i don't mean all blacks and mexicans are like what they are. they are unusually weird and mean. they know that people know that they are evil, and they are weird, and insecure about it.
some of these black people who betrayed the community about bush, northern trust bank, paris hilton, etc., are like criminal thugs in the ghetto, who don't care about children, sort of like the people dealing heroin, in the movie "american gangster". that is what they make me think of.
a few people try to get ignorant people to learn about events of my life, out of the entire context. they want ignorant people to learn about bits and pieces of my life, without understanding my real character, or what transpired, or is transpiring, in a broad context.
i used to not feel as if i could not do anything positive, unless i was high on methamphetamine (1997 - 2007). very powerful stimulant. if you were observing what happened, like other people were, it was funny, weird, and sad. i kept using it, even when it was creating madness, so that i thought that i could think that i could do something unrealistically positive, because i really wanted to believe that i could do something positive, because i really didn't want to think that my life was going to be weird and negative. isolation from community and my family. weird, horrible, confused addiction. i can make jokes about myself. it took time to work through my issue. after adjusting to my situation, i don't think that there is as much pressure on me, now, to do something for the public. what could i do? it is not my intent to glamorize illegal drug usage. i got introduced to methamphetamine around the same time as i figured out who i was, in 1997, so because it was already around, i kept using it, because i was sad and overwhelmed. part of the way that i figured out who i am, was because of a church group in houston, who wanted to try to steer me away from drugs in 1997, helping to enable me to figure out that i was in constant 24/7 activity with people, because it was apparent that i was in constant 24/7 with a some of the people at the church group. i had been using drugs since i was almost 13 years old.
i didn't figure out something special for scientists, with regard to geomagnetism, or the change in weather, like i thought that maybe i was supposed to do, but maybe a warning about a shortage of food in the future, because of changes in the weather, will help. people should stop having children, or limit it to one child per family. you can adopt a child. i also think that the united states government should figure out a way to consolidate its' territorial structure(s). too many individual states, with too many individual laws. maybe they could reduce it to 5 or 10 territories, instead of 50. or 13? still a democracy. i think that it will happen eventually, somehow, anyway, so the government might as well start trying to reconsolidate, now. food will be a problem, so start to plan like it is an emergency.
i used to think that i was, or that maybe i was involved in some kind of special positive humanitarian project in antarctica. nothing bad. black people, and this mexican girl, who are racists, lie about me, my character, and my heart.
a few people lie about me and paris hilton, too. i was not after her money. she is a childish, selfish, disrespectful trouble maker, who won't take responsibility for creating a problem for the community. i was not a fan of hers. i was neutral. her husband and her family seem to advocate childishness, selfishness and disrespect, also, so i feel psychologically threatened by all of them. her involvement of herself in my life was stupid and unnecessary. she lurks, inevitably making me, and other people, uncomfortable, along with her husband and family, and i want to fight them off. it is not just disrespect, it is weird cruelty, because of how i lack privacy, and because of how she knows that she is making me uncomfortable all of the time. she could do something to fix it, or change it, for everyone, but she is thoughtless, or doesn't care. if ignorant people really understood what type of serious harm she has done, and continues to do, to me, and other innocent people all over the world, and the community in general, without seeming to care, with her ugly cockiness and childishness, you would hate her and her family also. she doesn't care if she does damage to the community, she just wants to think of people gossiping about her, no matter what it is. she unnecessarily made a big deal of me, and herself, knowing damn well that it would put me, socially, in harms way, while at the same time, also being incredibly disrespectful toward me, and my entire family, with regard to a hand bag purchase. the hiltons are wealthy, but they lack a type of class. too much money, too fast. the entire family seems spoiled, and out of touch with reality.
hilton can't have it both ways. she can't go on TMZ, which i know that she did, in october of 2008, making reference to me, by name, (and job?/i wouldn't have allowed her to do that, because people may have thought that i put her up to it, or that i was in on it for publicity, when i wasn't, and when i wouldn't have been. i would have wanted my work to to speak for itself.) and then be ugly, stupid, childish, weird disrespectful to me, or to not show me a very very basic, necessary amount of public security respect, publicly, at the same time. i think that it is privacy law problem, and i am surprised that someone at TMZ isn't in trouble for it. it is like she was, or still is, implying, that i have to stupidly kiss her ass, or promote her publicly, or else she will ruin my life. really. like someone who tries to use people, and then just throw them in the garbage can. it seems as if that is what she wanted to do. ugly con artist, like her new york city buddy donald trump, who is really not a cool, social person, trying to use me and everyone else in this group. it seems like she really did want to make me a target for people's hate, knowing that they are ignorant, unless i kissed up to her. she knows that people don't like her that much, or respect her that much, so she thought that she could turn that against me, trying to make it look like i am the one who shouldn't be liked. it is true. she plays evil, manipulative, girl mind games, like many girls do. weird, creepy, childish personality. the truth is that she thinks that i am more social than she is, or ever will be, in any incarnation of hers, despite the fact that she has all of that money. i think that it makes her angry, because she thinks that she really isn't a star, because she thinks that she has all of that money, but that she isn't the social star which she wants people to think that she is. i think that she was, or is, trying to sway people with money, or attention on TV, to act like they don't like me, or to act like they shouldn't like me, or to act like they think that i am lame. it is because of what she did, or does. this is not what i am stating. you would be acting lame, too, publicly, if someone treated you the way which hilton treated me, publicly. this seems to be what she intended to do, like a con artist, trying to promote herself, trying to make ignorant people think that she is more interesting than she is. i would rather fight, however, maybe making myself look lame, than to not fight. dirty politics.
i am not making a big deal of hilton making reference to me on TMZ. i haven't watched that show in about 14 years. i am making a big deal of the fact that she knew that she would pose a security problem for me, being that she didn't tell me what she did. or even if she did tell me what she did, it is a security problem. privacy law. this is not a normal situation. i am making a big deal of the fact that it is common courtesy that i would be informed about someone making reference to my on national tv, given this unusual situation, or even in an ordinary situation.
why doesn't paris hilton answer my question about whether or not she went on the TMZ television program, in october of 2008, making reference to me by name? i know that she did, but i want actual, respectful confirmation. wouldn't you want to know if someone did this, if it was in reference to you? she got my messages. it is a national/global security matter, because people who know about it, who want to play mean games, who know that i don't know about it, have an advantage. it gives people a motive to harm me, because some of them become envious or jealous that i got attention on tv. hilton also knows that it gives people a reason to harm me, because she knows that people can pretend as if her not responding to my inquiries, about whether or not she went on TMZ (when there is strong evidence that she did), means that people should not like me, or harm me. hilton wants black people to harm me, and she also wants me to harm black people. i know what i am communicating about. she isn't a lady. she really doesn't think that people respect her, or like her that much, so it really does seem, because of what has happened, that she wants to hurt people, like a childish, sour female, also drawing unnecessary attention to herself. i can write to TMZ again. my mail was stolen by black women in the mail system, more than once, when i have already tried. does hilton wants me thinking that she wants nasty, ugly attitude, dishonest black women to attack me? it seems like she wants ignorant people to think that maybe i was the problem, when i wasn't, or that maybe black women are the problem. it seems like hilton wants ignorant people thinking that it is anything other that the fact that paris hilton was, or is, the problem. an evil, low class, childish, shady girl, playing evil, childish, shady girl games. it is like these girls, a few black women, paris hilton, this mexican girl, are looking at each other from across a table, like girls who think that they are so clever do, giving each other signals, non verbally, to try make me look bad, by obstructing my life. they want people to know that i am struggling, because they think that it makes them look better. evil girl games.
i wish that i would have never, ever, ever written to that evil, CHILDISH girl, paris hilton. again, i wasn't a fan of hers. i was neutral. i didn't know that she would want to use me, wanting to work everyone, wanting to milk the cow, not giving a damn about trampling on other people's lives. she is childish, selfish and evil.
paris hilton may have sent a clip of video which i sent to her, to other people who she knows, without including what i had written in the email.
stamps on envelope in 'visual' (important) section of this website. problem with hand bag purchase in 2008. the michener name is similar to mine, mishler, like she was stupidly wanting people to think that she was supporting me as a writer, when actually all she did was ruin my life. it actually seems as if she wanted to ruin my life, publicly. really. she knew, and still knows that she is harming me, and does nothing about it, when she could, creating more respect for everyone. i had told her that i was writing something. i had talked about the thought of tile, around the bar area of apartment, like a tiffany lamp. she wants ignorant people to think that all of this is so interesting, because of how she likes to manipulate the media. she does stupid things to get attention, not caring if it stupid.
-no return address
-weird cryptic stamps, which imply that she was "supporting" me in public, or wanting me to be hers, all to herself, in front of everyone, knowing that people would communicate about it with electronic communication, knowing that she was confusing me, implying that i should be hers and also separated from other people (black people in mail?) (no return address, not sent through the mail as usual) / implying that i should be put at odds with other people
-never any regular communication back to me
-could have told me that hand bag which i wanted was not for sale, but didn't
-implied that i was to be forced to purchase something, which i didn't want, and which my niece didn't want
-not what i ordered
-didn't offer me any options to purchase something else in writing
-why is it a problem for me to own a bag with a number 7 on it? it was not about nicky hilton, or nicky hilton because she designed the bag. it was about the number 7. is nicky hilton insecure? does paris want to boss nicky around? did paris think that nicky would overshadow her? it is all childish bullshit, mr. hilton.
-sent at wrong time, or not informed that what i ordered would not be delivered at christmas time, so that i could plan around that, i assumed that it would be delivered at christmas time, but it wasn't, got my hopes up, only to feel as if the spirit of christmas had been mocked
-never told that i wouldn't be getting what i ordered, as soon as i requested it
-took money from me for a few months, a little cash at a time, knowing that she wouldn't send me what i had asked for
-didn't send initial $50 cash back, stating send a money order or check for all of amount at same time / she probably didn't want a record of it
-weird creepy flirtatious photograph of her in the purse which was in this envelope (photograph in this email)
-she knew that my situation was difficult, because of a lack of privacy. much more difficult that you could imagine! why risk complicating it with childish, rude games? oh, she is a businesswoman??? that is a sick joke...
-disrespectful, not only to me, but every other family at christmas time
-she sent me something which i didn't ask for, and we never agreed on a price in writing
-i sent more money ($150), WHICH WASN'T NECESSARY TO SEND, BECAUSE SHE SENT ME SOMETHING WHICH I DIDN'T ASK FOR, thinking that what she sent was a gift, because i could believe or imagine that someone would be so childish and rude and inconsiderate so as to send someone something which they didn't ask for in such a weird stupid way, or to not tell me IN WRITING that what i asked for was not available, implying that i am forced to buy something which i didn't have a choice about
-paris knew that i sent the extra $150 in confusion. she knew that i sent it.
-it doesn't matter if she got the money or not
-why wouldn't she respond to my inquiry, as to whether or not she received the extra $150? / shady games? maybe she didn't get the messages? WHEN SHE DID! / sets me up to be a target of other people's aggression / her aggression and other people's aggression
i would have filed a law suit against paris hilton, if i had a written record of the purchase. even if i judge believed that she owed me money, the judge could not do anything because there is no written record of it. i think that hilton wanted to make it this way.
aquarius / vision, originality, charity, tolerance, independence, individuality, eccentricity, separateness, neurosis, disobedience, thoughtlessness, cruelty
rooster (chinese zodiac) / resilience, enthusiasm, candor, conservatism, chic, humor, cockiness, boastfulness, blind faith, pendantry, bossiness, dissipation
the new astrology, by suzanne white
a few people who think that they made themselves look bad, publicly, try to make me look bad, publicly. guess what? it works. dirty politics. like someone's popularity rating going down, in a popularity poll, when evil people play dirty politics. evil, dirty politics, which other people are engaged in. it is sort of superficial, though, because the approval rating poll is created by ignorant people, who really don't understand what the hell is going on. gossip. peer pressure. they keep trying to use my past against me, as if it means that i am evil, when i am not an evil person.
i don't like to communicate anything about george h. w. bush, northern trust bank, or paris hilton, johnny depp, because a few people pretend as if they can use it against me. they are socially lame. it is blatant dishonesty, and very, very painful to have to go through.
i have already communicated, honestly, about george h. w. bush, and northern trust bank, and johnny depp, and paris hilton. it is old, and not important. i did it years ago on facebook, but a few people are wanting to make a very weird, very cruel, very childish mockery of my honesty, and innocence. it is an unusual situation, but not important. people want to stupidly gossip about it because they are boring.
blacks and mexicans should have pride. it is just a few blacks and one mexican, who i am in constant 24/7 activity with, who have social/mental problems, who try to spread their social/mental problems to other blacks and mexicans, wanting to segregate them, or wanting to bond with them, wanting to drag them down to their level, because they can't keep up with people who are not disabled. i had a problem with a few white people when i was in la grange, texas, too, back in 2010 - 2011, but they don't keep attacking me, so i really don't hold a grudge anymore. i don't like for blacks and mexicans to think that, because i am white, that there is something wrong with them, or that all whites are good. i would rather be with cool blacks and mexicans, than to be with stupid, mean white people. that is where my heart is. that is a big part of american culture. this is like any other situation, where a famous or public person is being stalked or harmed. it is not difficult to understand why people do it. me being christ doesn't mean that i am not supposed to become irritated, or frustrated, or confused, or feel harmed, or become angry, by people's blatant, creepy, weird disrespect. i think that many people have been brainwashed by movies about jesus, or just church whatever in general. i think that in actuality, it was a big, weird, confused mess during jesus's time in jerusalem, or palestine, or wherever. work is becoming more difficult, or challenging, as the world evolves, and some people seem to be not willing enough, or caring enough, or open minded enough, or flexible enough, or socially competent enough, to try to do the work. i don't think that it is so much about actual, so called political affiliation; republicans vs. democrats. i think that it is more about a basic innate willingness, or unwillingness, to try to do work, which is inevitably becoming more challenging, and socially diverse. or intelligence vs. lack of intelligence. or to not give up. bad manners in my astrological makeup doesn't mean that i have bad manners all of the time. ask the people who know me well. think of sociability, or solicitude. like i stated, i think that people are brainwashed about christ's personality, from movies about jesus, or church in general. something which i learned in bible study is that it is a war between good and evil. think of a picture of archangel michael, with a sword.
these people who are knowingly causing problems, being unnecessarily aggressive, are admitting to be creep losers. they don't even try. i wish that the police would talk to me and my family, stating to us, and the public, that they know about what is happening. i think that if the public knew about the police communicating to me, publicly, that it would make the public more confident and cohesive.
part of the reason that i went to george h. w. bush's office to drop off mail when i was high on methamphetamine is because l believed in myself, even if i thought that other people didn't because of my drug usage. or i guess i didn't care if other people didn't believe in me, because i believed in me. why wouldn't i believe in myself, or what was happening? it was also some confusion, because i knew that i had a drug problem, publicly, or i was confused about what i was doing, but i knew that deep down i was a decent person who wanted to love others, and so i guess i was implying that i thought that it was ok for someone to love me, even if i had a drug problem. i was actually in a great deal of pain, and wanted to feel as if i could be close to someone, maybe like a father figure or a grand father figure. lacking privacy confuses my actions. i wanted to feel as if i could have faith in what was happening. it was confused, because i thought that i was important. confusion about what was going on, since i didn't have privacy. i also knew that i had dug myself into a confused hole, using methamphetamine in public, for years, so i wanted to feel as if someone could still love me, or respect me. at the time, i couldn't imagine being happy without methamphetamine. sort of like being not as motivated or happy when you can't have your morning coffee. the main reason that i was confused is because of this black guy acting aggressively toward me, for years, and i thought that he was high level government something, not an ignorant black man who would later betray me and the community. i also believed that bush knew something about me, which was something positive, even though it would have seemed negative at the time, because of his experience as a freemason. something about christ. i wasn't very confident when i was in george h. w. bush's office. i was a nervous, weird wreck. sort like a chicken with its's head cut off. it would be funny if we could move on to something else. i wouldn't keep going on about George h. w. bush, but this black guy and mexican girl, and probably black women, too, are lying about northern trust bank. part of the reason that i thought that bush was more important than he was, was because of superstition (skull and bones, also him living in houston where i lived), thinking that many things were more important that they are when i was younger. you should not be superstitious about this situation. i also thought that he was going to, or that maybe going to say something about me to the public, but ONLY if figured out something useful for scientists. i did a lot of studying, but i didn't know what to write about, or what the point was. i thought that maybe i could help simplify data, or a way of conceiving of measurement, so that the result of processing simplified data would assist in simplifying something for scientists. i also sort of thought that it was like the blues brothers movie, where they break rules, or break the law, in order to do something good. or like robin hood. i thought that it would be funny that way, and that it was going to be a lesson for people. what else was i supposed to think? that God wanted to use me as a way of confusing the community? i didn't want to believe that God is that dumb. i guess he is. i was sad, confused, and lacking confidence when i was younger, because of how the black man, who i didn't know was a black man, was confusing me with his aggression. the only time i felt confident, or hopeful, is when i used methamphetamine, mostly because of how this ignorant black guy, who i didn't know was a ignorant black guy, confined me. weird mental problem, with a weird drug problem.
again, i just went to his office to drop off mail, with the mail meaning that i was confused. it was not to make an appointment with him, or talk to him in person.
this black guy and mexican girl seem to want to imply that i am supposed to be punished because of the george h. w. bush and northern trust bank issue, as in a form of torture, but because they know that they are also unnecessarily harming other people in this 24/7 activity group, world wide, it is just about harming innocent people, wanting to try to intimidate others. they are obstructing. a lot of obstructing, and i'm not doing anything wrong. they are evil and greedy, wanting something, like special treatment, or sex, or money, or food, or whatever. they are using their ability to act aggressively with the contractions of muscle and soft tissue, to subdue, and try to intimidate, very rude, very thug like, like they are using it as a weapon to obstruct. they think that they can't survive, or be popular, unless they make me less popular, so they keep going on about my past when i was less mature and confused. they think that they are in social trouble, so they are trying to make it look like i am in social trouble. i'm not. they are lying about northern trust bank.
they want to make fun of me, because i was confused. it is cruelty. they try to get people to make fun of me now, because of how they want people to know that they are confusing me, publicly. it is cruelty.
i understand if people would think "how could you have used methamphetamine, knowing that you didn't have privacy, thinking that it is good for the community?" i thought that i didn't have privacy, but there was no substantial proof of it, with no one communicating to me, so i thought that maybe it didn't matter if i did whatever, or that maybe i didn't have any special responsibility. it was confused. it is still confused. part of the issue was that the dope had a very strong grip on me, because i felt sad, and sort of hopeless, when i wasn't high, because of how i became isolated from normal life. i became isolated from my family, too. if i would have tried to explain to someone, like a girl who i wanted to be with, about what was going on with me, she would have thought that i was weird, or stupid, and told me to go away. my family thinks that i am weird. very humiliating to have to do, knowing that people observe it. i used to have fantasies about using drugs, and having a really cool job, being able to help or love people, getting to use my brain in a unique way. teaching. i wanted to believe that i could do something interesting, socially, or that i was going to have power to do something interesting and cool. it is part of the reason that i went to george h. w. bush's office. i didn't want to believe that i was going to be isolated, and depressed, or sad, or that i was going to have no power, being in public 24/7. i thought that maybe my studying was going to amount to something more, thinking that maybe i was being told that, so that i would have official support from the public, and be able to do something good, and loving, for people. it is funny if you know my personality better. like a loving nerd who wanted to use dope. i am not advocating illegal drug usage. i'm never going to use illegal drugs again.
this mexican girl, who people know about, and this black man, who people know about, are trying to trick ignorant people into thinking that i am the anti christ, because of the issue with george h. w. bush and northern trust. it is ridiculous. i am not the anti christ. i wasn't involved in anything unethical. george h. w. bush wasn't involved in anything unethcial. there is no evidence that northern trust bank is involved in anything unethical. so we are going to play make believe. i am being stupidly harassed by childish people, who think that they have to make me seem less popular than they are, because they got themselves into social trouble.
i am not going to go on and on about it again after the next post. i deleted a great deal of information, which was the result of people stupidly, childishly arguing with me, making a childish game of it, wanting to mock or humiliate a person who is honest and determined, implying that no one should pay attention to me, or that christ has no power. they are lazy, weird, socially lame losers, who want to mock people who have healthy attitudes, like christ. they wanted to mock or humiliate other people who are honest and determined also.
i am sick of this negative shit which a few other people are intentionally creating. it is a childish, creep, stalker game to them. they seem to want to upset other people's happiness. sour, angry. i am not going to try to commit suicide again. you can help. talk to me, help me cope, making me feel better and not confused, while also sending a message to the people who stalk me and the public. i don't think that it would be that difficult, if you try. you all seem insecure, and that makes me insecure. why are you worried? i don't think that people would cause problems if you made a story about me with the police and media, in order to protect me, AND THE PUBLIC. you can do this, and also tell people to not unnecessarily politicize me. i'm not running for a political office. i have rights, just like anyone else has rights, which means that you can't prosecute me differently than other people. don't unnecessarily politicize me. do you have a search warrant? does the FBI have a search warrant? no, they don't. and they never would. i want a happy, simple, peaceful life. i am disabled, and don't care about a huge work career, or making huge amounts of money. i have some help from my parents, a little help from social security disability insurance, and would like to sell some art, making the world a better place, but also because it doesn't seem like i can't work at an official job. i don't think that managers or employees or customers would want me at an official job, potentially prejudicial, not to mention that this black guy and mexican girl don't establish trust, being rude and childish, not ensuring me that they won't act aggressively toward me when i am at work, causing a very serious problem in public. i will continue working, part time, by myself, for old people in the country (la grange, texas/warda, texas) for as long as i can.
i think that managers would be worried about employees toying with me, or something prejudicial. i think that employees would be worried about other employees, or something prejudicial. i think that managers and employees would be worried about customers toying with me, or something prejudicial. i think that customers would be worried about other customers, creating a confused mess for everyone. it is not that i am not willing to work around others. i like going to work around others. a little small talk and focusing as a team. i have already tried, but this black guy and mexican girl are playing a really stupid game, not establishing trust, not making sure that i know that they wouldn't act aggressively, confusing me, when i am at a job. this is not BS. i am doing work now which most people wouldn't do in the country, but there is a limit to what i can do. my parents will probably sell the house in la grange, texas, where i now sleep when i work in the county, in a few years, so that i couldn't go to the country and work, or stay somewhere when i was working in the country. also, the people who i work for are old. i would like to work around people at a grocery store, because i image it being comforting and therapeutic, but i don't think that it is realistic.
i receive about $1,000 from social security disability insurance each month for mental problems. i can earn, approximately, an additional $1,200 each month, while still receiving the $1,000 from social security disability insurance, but it doesn't seem possible to be able to work at an official job, because of my unusual situation. i earn about $360 per month from working in the country, but it will not be permanent. i work 3 hour shifts in the country, which are good for me, and i think good for the people who i am in constant 24/7 activity with, because of the unusual stress and confusion we have to negotiate. consistent activity makes me feel better, and i know that consistent activity makes them feel better, like when i used to go to bible study every week, but we are more sensitive to stress and confusion because of all of the unusual stress and confusion which we have to negotiate, so it is better if i take it easy. i hope to make some money with art. it would be nice if i had a little money in savings. i can find volunteer work to do here in houston later on. i have considered habitat for humanity and the lions club.
i am worried that black women in the mail system, either with the United States Postal Service, Fed Ex, or UPS, will steal my mail when i potentially send art work out, in the future, if i get orders for my work through ETSY. please notify mail managers. i am also worried that a black girl, or black girls, who work at Etsy, could meddle with my account.
i'm never going to use illegal drugs again. i scared off the middleman guy who i used to get methamphetamine from. i don't know anywhere else to get it, and i am definitely not going to try to find any, like at a night club. i'm too old. it wouldn't be any fun anyway. i would just become nervous, confused and awkward after a few hours. my girlfriend and family would not be happy about it either, because i would have to tell them.
a few black women, who worked with a black nurse, intentionally infected my blood with something which targeted my digestive system, causing diverticulitis, in june of 2011. i was in a care facility, and joked out loud about the fear of being infected with a dirty needle, by a black person, about 2 days earlier, trying to ward any aggression off. i had 3 major surgeries, and wore a colostomy bag for 2 years. they are so fake, and so evil, implying that i deserved it. they try to cover up the fact that they started trouble, or that they are the problem, trying to fabricate evidence to try to use against me, and anyone who acts like they love me. they embarrassed themselves, and so they try to humiliate me, and anyone who acts like they love me. some black women seem to want to imply that they are supposed to dominate with mean ugliness. they should get away from me, and everyone else, unless they want to be nice, and real. they infected my blood, after i went to an all black church, to show my respect and love for black people, trying to help them, after black women stole my registered mail to england, when i was trying to get a children's story ('the island of the nine whirlpools') produced (2010). i am not trying to get it produced anymore. someone else can try to do it, if they want to. i thought that it would be good in animation. i went to the front of the church to sing with black people, and a black adult put the hand of a young black girl in my hand, and i cried for about 2 or 3 minutes, non stop. i don't need to explain anything. everyone already knows about what happened. angry, ugly attitude black women probably stated, when cool black people stated that i did this, that they don't know what they are communicating about. they try to fabricate evidence to try to use against me, implying that i deserve to be harmed, because a black woman embarrassed them back in 2008. they stupidly imply that i deserve to be harmed, and also that it doesn't matter if they break the law (stealing my mail/tampering with my computer/a nurse intentionally infecting my blood/black nurses harassing me at the VA hospital as a psych patient).
i know that some, or a small percentage, not all, black women secretly conspire to dominate, or meddle. it is probably a group, which has a name, like some kind of ghetto lingo. i know what i am communicating about. they think that you are reading this right now, and thinking, "ah, those people be so dumb, they don't know what be happenin'. they think he be paranoid. hehehe". are they spying on you, or your computer files, with the use of computers, acting all sweet, when they are actually not? not all of them, but some of them. they do it secretively, with computers, like they want to think of themselves as the underground railroad. racist? hate? angry? female emotional? deep state? a few black, hater, racist female cops, or government personnel, in major cities, who have access to computers and information? they are going to be in deep doo doo. they don't know what they are doing, or what is going to happen. it is the first generation of computer, or internet usage, so it is sort of like children playing with a toy. a black woman, who i think worked for the government, is toying with my computer, toying with me and everyone else in a cruel way, when i am online. i am certain that it is a black woman who i am in activity with, and she has a weird, angry mental problem. she is crazy and mean. i think that it might be a group of black women. they have a "motive" to harm me, or to try to publicly humiliate me. they don't want to look bad, because they think that have made themselves look bad, so they try to make me look bad. childish, dishonest, and mean spirited. hackers or organized computer crime is all around the world, so why couldn't there be a group of black women in america who are doing this?
they want people to know that they are conspiring, wanting to show off, or brag. very stupid of them. social media, computers, a few people who i am in constant 24/7 activity with, who are evil, etc.
it is sad to think that innocent black women get hurt by this. quite frankly, i am sick of having to think about black people and the problems which they have created for themselves. fix your own problems on your own.
i am tired of the negativity, namely because i am not a negative person. i had to put out fires, and i have already done this for years. i think that word got around.
i want everyone to be ok. please don't unnecessarily politicize me.
New International Version
24 “‘“The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’